BigAlice

Another shiny new January

2012-01-07T17:45:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I have this problem, see, the beginning of the calendar never much felt like a new year. It's really the start of September that feels like the beginning of the year. It'll likely take another 20 years to wear off. And maybe bad dreams about school will stop by then too.

We had a very quiet Christmas; my mother was visiting and the Love Monkey & I didn't travel anywhere, which was WONDERFUL. I like visiting people but airports at Christmas are not my favorite. It's bad enough with just car traffic; I saw probably about 3 near misses in December. After the first one of those, I drove slowly and cautiously and got there eventually and without drama. yay.

I also had a cold for Christmas, and a new one for New Year's. HO HO HO! Jolly! We did get a tree this year. Usually we don't, since we're always away. I feel a special kind of environmental guilt getting a real Christmas tree; it feels like getting expensive cut flowers except it takes years longer to grow and moves out other, more useful crops. But I very much enjoy the fragrance and presence of a real tree, and at least it was a local one. The grower's probably getting 10x the amount for this tree than if he were to raise, oh, cabbage. Frances the cat fortunately has never been a climber, although she seems to prefer the tree water to her own. Yes, I just went and cleaned out her dish. Maybe she savors the piquant flavor of pine.

Did I mention I got a new job? I got a new job, in November. I am no longer an official slacker, although it severely cuts into my dyeing and sleeping-in time. I got lucky -- there was a space opening up where a lot of my friends are working, and it looked interesting and they were interested in me. Lucky, especially with things how they are right now. Lucky, so I gave a birthday present (what, don't I get to give presents on my birthday?) to Sisters of the Road, who does a good program of feeding people who need it in a way that keeps their dignity.

It is past the solstice now, and maybe in another month the sun will be up past 4:30 in the afternoon. Just have to make it through black February (the one-two punch of darkness & Valentine's day is not my favorite). I am already daydreaming about long summer afternoons and bright mornings. And peas. Hopefully this year will be a good one for peas. And raspberries. Damn, I better stop right now.

The cat surveys her twinkley-lit domain

A Little Christmas Present

2011-12-24T18:32:00.000-08:00

HO HO HO
I haven't been around much online lately, and I really don't feel very Christmasy this year (for example, I just sent grumpy mail to a service I (monetarily) subscribe to which likes to spam me. There is no setting on their website for "please stop sending me emails." Bah humbug. Except I am feeling guilty now. MERRY CHRISTMAS!)

But in order to redeem a small amount of my karma, and because it might be useful, especially at the moment, I offer you:

How to make a pretty good pie crust

I am not a food blogger, nor a professional baker. I've just made a few of these. This is what works for me.

This is not a how-to (see #1 - get a good recipe). I guess it's "tips". It's things they don't always mention.

I'll preface this by saying I make crusts from shortening & butter. Shortening for flakiness, butter for taste. I haven't ever had a lard crust but that seems like a cruel trick to play on the vegetarians so I'll stick with shortening/butter. If I knew how to make an all-butter crust that didn't have a crappy texture, I'd do that, just for the taste, and because not a year seems to go by without some new study about how hydrogenated fats are the spawn of Satan and will KILL US ALL. They probably will, but not because of a once-a-year pie crust. OK, maybe 2 times a year? Surely less than 10.

When I say shortening, I mean Crisco. Not the butter-flavored kind, the blue-wrapper kind. I've been messing around with the palm oil shortening you can get at some stores, but haven't had enough results to say yea or nay. If you try it, let me know.

I do not use olive oil or vegetable oil. The point of the hydrogenated fat is that it is solid at room temperature and has a higher melting point than butter. This gives you the flaky part of flaky tasty crust.

1. Find a good recipe

I use an old Cook's Illustrated recipe (yes, I'm a fanboy. I like that someone tried 50 different combinations of all kinds of fats with different ratios to flour to find what they liked best. Saves me work). But I'm sure there's lots of good recipes out there.

Make sure it has a high enough fat/flour ratio. The one I use is a 3:2 butter/shortening ratio with about a 1:1.25 ratio to the flour. That's going to be a lot of fat (maybe too much, I might need to experiment myself a little). Just don't let anyone in the kitchen to see. You don't let them see you make fudge, do you? (lordy, another crazy amount of butter. but so good). Not enough fat and you'll get a crispy cracker crust.

I use only flour, salt, sugar, butter, shortening, and water. That's all. I am not on the vodka bandwagon, but you might want to try it and see if it work for you. Vinegar just tastes weird. An egg white just was kind of unnecessary.

2. Better living through technology: Use a food processor

I know, special tools. But the food processor can do in 10 seconds something that takes me minutes. The key here is that you want everything to stay cold. I've started wondering if it'd be better if I refrigerate the flour. I am not kidding. The faster you can get it chopped in, the better. Also, the processor is much better at cutting things up than I am and doesn't leave chunky bits.

If you don't have or can't beg, borrow, or borrow one, I recommend using a pasty cutter. I mean like the one at the top of Smitten Kitchen's post, and not one of those flimsy wire things. You need something you can GRIP and that can CUT. Also, hell is full of people trying to cut cold hard butter into flour with 2 forks (while the flames melt the butter of course). Betcha didn't know that about hell.

3. Mix early, mix often

This is the one I just figured out, on my own. I've never seen it mentioned anywhere, but it works for me and it's absolutely necessary for me unless you want to go the vodka route.

When you are sprinkling on that ice water, 1 tablespoon at a time? Add a tablespoon, then MIX IT IN. Repeat until the dough just comes together (shaggy but it should hold together in a ball. Should NOT feel wet).

I just use my fingers. I never got the hang of using a rubber spatula for this (although it would be better, as my hands are warm)

I started off just as turning the watered-up flour/fat bits over so I wouldn't just dump water in the same place, but then I found that I magically could use LESS water than the recipe called for. Key thing: don't overwork it. Just kind of fold it in, maybe mush a little with your fingers. More mushing is required the more you add, to try to get it together.

All I can guess is it seems to distribute the water a lot better than sprinkling all the water in at once.

Oh, and don't be tempted to do this in the food processor. That magical food processor action will mix it up too much. This is one case where gentler is better.

4. Let 'er rest, part 1

After you get that ball, wrap it up in plastic and smoosh it down with your fist into a thick flat disc, about an inch thick. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes (I really prefer an hour).

This step is crucial because you are letting the water seep its way through the whole dough. It will come out more pliable and less dry than when you put it in, although it's kind of subtle.

You are also letting the dough get nice and cold again. Remember that bit about keeping it cold? The goal is to not melt the butter. It's also easier to roll out if it's cold. If you take it out and find it is too mushy, try putting it in the refrigerator longer.

Oh, this is also that point at which I will throw the crust in the fridge and then finish it the next day. Those discs will keep for a few days. If you'll be longer than that, wrap it in another layer of plastic wrap, then one of aluminum foil, then write the date on it and what it is and throw it in the freezer. Should be good for about 6 months. Hoorah!

(P.S. If it's been in the fridge for more than 2 hours, it does need to get a little warm again before you can roll it out. Leave it out on the counter & check it every 30 min or so)

(P.P.S Frozen crusts need to warm up in the fridge for ~1/2 day, then room temp for 30 minutes (maybe more) to make them pliable. Just chuck it in the fridge if you suspect a pie in your near future)

5. Let 'er rest, part 2

After you've rolled out the dough, and put it in the plate, or tin, or whatever, cover it back up with plastic wrap and refrigerate for another half hour. If you are really in a hurry, the freezer works too, for about 10-15 minutes. It should be cold again. Mmm, butter.

I KNOW. Pie crusts: not fast. But this step is also crucial. If you do not do this, you end up with a sad shrunken pie crust if you pre-bake or par-bake. Ask me how I know! And since this is partly a blueberry/apple/pumpkin/wonderful goodness delivery mechanism, you surely want to have as much room as possible in the crust.

6. Bake it with a pan

This is an extra. It's not really about the crust. But save yourself a headache and possible fire alarm triggering and put it on a sheet pan. I use those commercial aluminum jelly roll pans which are the bomb for making cookies, but a regular cookie sheet is also fine. Or a roasting pan. SOMETHING. If it drips, it will drip in the pan (which it ALWAYS does. So I am not a pretty crust maker. Not enough patience. It will, however, taste good). No need to scrape the oven or turn on the fan because of the rolling smoke.

7. Practice

This one isn't popular, but there's kind of a finesse to this and the more you do it the better you get. You get to recognize the signs and feel of the thing. I don't know. But that doesn't mean the first one you do won't be good. If you feel uncomfortable working fast, just shove everything in the fridge while you figure out the next step. My personal belief is if you can keep that butter cold until you put it in the oven, and you don't add too much water, you can't go that far wrong.

Hope this helps someone. I just felt the need to share #3, as it's worked beautifully for me. I could never figure out how to add such a little amount of water as all these recipes say. It never held together with only 4 tablespoons or whatever. And then I started to mix it in as I went and MAGIC. I'm still trying to adjust to it, I keep making crusts that are too wet and sticky. wack.

Hey look, I've totally rambled for a huge amount of text!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Solstice, or Happy Holiday whatever you choose to celebrate or not celebrate. May all your crusts be tasty ones. If you're able to, hug someone you care about; they might not be there to hug tomorrow.

Maybe I'll rent SIX horror movies

2011-11-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

Oh Hyperbole and a Half, how much do I love you?

And for today's cute

2011-11-07T14:46:00.000-08:00

The European Rabbit Hopping Championships

Time, she gets away

2011-11-07T12:05:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how it became November. Let alone a week into November. I miss the summer. I seem to be speaking in a lot of sentence fragments lately so please forgive me in advance.

Been reading a lot lately. As always the disclaimer is: what I like it not necessarily what you will like and that is OK. Please don't take it personally.

The Magicians by Lev Grossman. AV Club highly recommended. Audio version (look, I do a lot of dyeing and skeining these days)
I got way way too involved in this book, partly because it is very close to home in some aspects. I so enjoyed this, but it's also sad and sometimes angsty and I find the main character to be kind of a jerk. That's all probably part of why it was a fantastic book. Went really fast. I've got The Magician King on hold at the library now.

Magician: Apprentice by Raymond Feist. Recommendation from an NPR fantasy/sci fi list.
Sensing a theme? Enh. Just didn't do anything for me. OK plot, forgettable characters, too many fantasy cliches. I probably would have enjoyed this book immensely in 5th grade.

Old Man's War by John Scalzi. Hello NPR list. Maybe I'm just trying to be a completionist.
I ripped through this in 3 days. Excellent story, very compelling. Not superwonderfulfantastic literature but a page turner. Went out and bought the sequel because I needed something for the train back. The second one wasn't quite as good but still enjoyable.

The Forever War by Joe Haldeman. NPR list again. Audio.
Bailed on this one about 4-5 chapters in. I just wasn't interested. I listened to one other Joe Haldeman book in the past and I've just decided we don't mesh.

Shards of Honor by Lois McMaster Bujold. That NPR list from above, although my friend Janet went through a Bujold binge last year and loves them. Audio
I'm in the middle of this. Pretty good story, plus it's nice to see a strong female protagonist (The Magicians had one too, although it's more complicated than that).

The Disappearing Spoon by Sam Kean, another AV Club recommendation
Hey look ma, nonfiction! I love interesting science books like this and I started off a chemistry major, so it's a slam dunk. Not finished with it yet, but I like this one a lot. I had no idea Mendeleev was so... eccentric (didn't believe in atoms, not withstanding that he developed the periodic table. Explain THAT one.)

Cozy

2011-10-17T11:27:00.000-07:00

A stop-motion camera and a whole lot of yarn. K sent me a link to this neat commercial, via Metafilter. It's got wool. And a cat.

There's also a making-of video.

2011-10-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

Happy October! Time for
strawberries?

It's been a very odd harvest year. To be fair, that picture was taken a week and a half ago, and last week's farmer's market was the last one for berries this year. It is now firmly in apple, pear, and squash season, with a big sideline on all kinds of greens. They love this weather - rainy and cool. I'm going to have to start mowing the grass again. bah.

So, how're you doing? I fell down the stairs this week. It's okay, it was just half of the stairs, and I landed about as well as could be expected, mostly on soft parts. The butt bruise is quite spectacular and no I'm not showing it to you. The ones on my shoulder blade and forearms aren't nearly as entertaining. It seems to be matching all my dyeing lately - everything is coming out shades of purple. I blame the cruddy weather.

Otherwise, K got that stupid aerator off and cleared out in less than 10 minutes. The tool of choice appears to be the vice grips (although he scratched it up even more - the masking tape/electrical tape/rag trick doesn't work at all, it just makes the rag spin around).

Why I am not a professional handyman

2011-10-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

We are in the middle of taking care of some house repairs that we've kind of let go for a while now. The fence is starting to fall down in places. The stucco on the foundation was cracked and you could remove big hunks with your hands. Our house is elderly and some of the windows are original single pane sash-hung. And the paint is peeling in places since the lovely people who owned this house before decided they would only paint *2* of the 4 exterior walls. WTF? Oh yes, it's the 2 most visible ones.

So I've been going through this parade of contractors, and getting in the house-painting queue (extremely tight this year, and there wasn't much sunny summer weather).

I am not entirely helpless. I can strip and paint a wall. I know how an electrical circuit works. But I have this curse; when I try to do even the most simple things, it doesn't work. This morning I tried to unscrew the bathroom sink aerator to clean it. Now how hard could that be? Pliers wrapped in masking tape, then electrical tape, then a bunch of scratches to the metal later and I still have not managed to budge the thing. Bah. The Love Monkey gets to cope with this one, because I am NOT calling a plumber just to clean out a stupid aerator. Or better yet my OH SO HANDY father-in-law can fix it when he next comes through town. Grump.

Back

2011-09-08T13:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back. Maybe. Kinda.

A few weeks ago we returned from That Thing in the Desert, which K refers to as "going camping with 50,000 of our closest friends." It was an experience and a half. No, closer to experience times 100. It's an emotional, physical, psychological (and not to mention aural) onslaught but it's the most interesting and weirdest thing I do all year. I mean, really, how often do you have pancakes at dawn in the middle of a plant-less desert, served in a mobile 50s diner?

Also, I ate a lot of bacon, and it was good. Something about salty, protein-ey, hot things tastes miraculously good out there.

We got a nice hot week here in Portland once I got back, which was lovely seeing as there hadn't been much of a summer. Finally had one of those days where you just kind of slug around drinking fruity drinks and the cat just walks up to me and falls over sideways, imploring me with her eyes to turn the temperature down (sorry cat, no air conditioning). And then it was over, and someone flipped the Fall switch. Today it is raining. I was hoping for a little bit of a warm September (and wildly, October), but: outlook not so good.

I am a little bummed out by the weather. Rain's actually okay but all-day grey is not my favorite. I haven't felt like I have much of a sense of purpose, or am getting anything done. I STILL haven't stocked up the etsy store. grrrr. I'm dyeing nearly every day but it doesn't seem like enough. Maybe this week.

Autumn is one of my most favorite times of year, and so heartachingly beautiful; but also so sad. It's like I can feel the loss of the light and warmth, every day. Is there such thing as emotionally difficult weather?

I managed to leave for a bike ride the other day JUST as it started raining - it started up a block away from home. As always, impeccable timing. It wasn't a long ride, just up a little hill nearby. I go up, feeling like I'm going to die (although it's gotten better. I don't feel like I'm going to die RIGHT away), then I get to the top, everything's OK, and I ride back down and then go up again.

Although I like riding in the rain (well, not-cold rain). There's something that makes me feel particularly alive. Most everyone else is boxed away, indoors, while I am exposed, speeding through it, all those drops hitting my arms and legs and face.

It was one of the moving-through rainstorms, not one of the unending grey sky dripdrips, and the sunset from the top was beautiful. Everybody had cleared out except for a lens-cap of photographers (but no gaggle of geese or murder of crows).

The phone pics don't do it justice of course. I don't know how to capture the moment when the sun lit up the whole misty-rainy valley just before it fell behind the west hills. If it weren't for the rain, I wouldn't ever see that, as I try to remember when the clouds start to pile up.

I survived Sock Summit

2011-08-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

But I did get more than a lousy cold (Yarn Harlot, I am glaring at you). Hey, at least I got it AFTER the end.

The Twisted booth, in all its glory, before the marketplace opened.

I got to meet and talk with lots of lovely people, both new friends and ones I haven't seen for a long time. I'm kind of a hermit. So it was kind of surprising that I decided to go to the sock hop and boogie down anyway. (Thank you Janet for getting me a ticket).

But hey, how often do I get to wear my pink zebra-print pettiskirt? OK, at least in semi-fashion-appropriate settings? (BTW, it's swirly and totally fabulous. I highly recommend it, although the zebra print is, honestly, a tiny bit over the top. I got mine at PettiskirtStyle.com. No affiliation, just a happy customer (they've got plus sizes!))

It was a little dicey near the end, and I ran out of time, but I did actually manage to dye enough I wasn't embarrassed at having too little in the booth. I did pretty well for being a brand-new unknown newbie dyer. It was extremely gratifying having people compliment my yarn or even better, show me the beautiful things they have done with it.

K the love monkey helped out so much; I couldn't have made it without him. This is the pile of dye ties next to the skein winder, from the last DAY of skeining he did for me. (ugh. so much skeining.)

The cold threatened to go bronchitis on me but fortunately mostly stayed above the neck except for the occasional hack. This month I have been sewing, more than I have for the last year. Maybe if I'm feeling brave I'll post the costume bolero I made up last week. Be afraid: it has fringe, people.

I have a secret

2011-07-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

Which I've been keeping for a while. But I sort of have to be outed now. Hmph, this is like coming clean about eating the last of the ice cream.

So. I started dyeing for sale last year.

I kept meaning to mention it here but no time ever seemed right and then the winter happened and then I quit my job. Sorry, I haven't ever mentioned that either. It just wasn't working out, and I wanted the summer off, and I could afford it, and I couldn't stop thinking about how my Dad hadn't retired for so long and kept deferring things. It also freed up time for me to spend with my Mom and brothers and my brother's family. Well, I was GOING to take the summer off and then dyeing kind of took over my life.

I've been selling at a local store, Twisted, and while I had a full time job I could barely keep them supplied, let alone do any online sales. Then they asked me last winter if I was interested in doing Sock Summit with them; they'd be featuring the work several local dyers. Since I came back from visiting Mom in May I've been dyeing like crazy, trying to get ready.

Well, we set up the booth yesterday. I still have a hard time believing that this is all my yarn. But I'm doing this because it fills me with pleasure to play with color and texture. It's wonderful to have people tell me they like knitting with my yarn, and show me their projects -- I had a hand in their creating something unique, something beautiful.

Yes, I do have an etsy site, but I'm not going to mention it now because it is so very sad and empty because EVERYTHING is at Sock Summit right now. I have plans to finally get it up and running later in the summer. I don't really want to turn this into a dyeing blog. I just like to ramble here. But I'll post it then.

Anyway, if you happened to be at Sock Summit, I'll be working at the Twisted Booth, #300, Saturday & Sunday mornings and early afternoon. Come by and say hello, I'd love to meet you. I'll be the one with kind of a dazed look on my face, grinning.

For the quilters

2011-06-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

Hi, just popping my head up for a minute to let the quilters & sewers know:

One of the bloggers I read is Ms. Too Much Wool, who is a talented and accomplished quilter as well as knitter & spinner.

While I am terribly greedy and would rather it all be mine mine MINE, because I love you all, I wanted to pass on that she's having some fabric giveaways over at her blog. You just need to entertain her.

Guess what I found?

2011-04-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

My sticker collection. Heavy on the unicorns.
By showing this I am truly revealing myself as a girl of the early 80s, aren't I?

Oh yes, I have my collections too, so I ought not to be pointing any fingers. I used to spend hours sorting these, arranging them, looking at friend's albums and trading.
I was a completionist. Look at all the slight differences. Why yes, they are ALL sparkly.

These fabric style stickers were known as "satins" and fairly coveted. Unfortunately whatever glue they used didn't hold up so well.

So shiny. So 80s. So unicorns. Did I really have this deep a unicorn obsession? I remember it was a major part of my collection. So were bears, hearts, rainbows, and butterflies. There were even some scratch-n-sniff in the pile. Oh the memories. I sure loved the sparkly.

The pinnacle of stickerdom: the highly sought-after "liquids", made of liquid crystal. They change colors when you press on them. I think they use liquid crystal for more useful things now.

Guess I wasn't picky. If it was shiny and stuck to things, it was in my collection. A little Lisa Frank action on the bottom left, as I'm sure the connoisseurs will instantly recognize

Crossover! Christmas unicorns. Check out the one with rainbow on the upper left: unicorns, Christmas, AND RAINBOWS!!1!

Somewhat creepy metallic bears. The round one was actually some kind of thick metallic foil. Unlike the satins, the metalies are still quite sticky-strong.

Of course I never actually STUCK them on anything. sigh. I'm giving them to Mom to use in entertaining my nieces. Someone else should enjoy them and actually stick them on things. Except the pirate flag, that one's staying with me. And maybe a couple unicorns mumble mumble.

Traveling

2011-04-26T22:28:00.001-07:00

I'm in Utah, visiting my Mom (note to thieves: K the love monkey is still in Portland, holding down the fort and feeding the cat.)

Utah is not really the place I want to be right now, but Mom needs the company. My brother does live nearby; so does my cousin and her large family. But that's not someone to just have around the house to talk to, any time you feel like. Even if we're sitting in the same room, knitting & reading, at least there is someone there. And you aren't just cooking for one.

I am solidly in suburban Utah, which is my least favorite part of Utah. OK, fine, there are a few farms still left around here. For the moment. Otherwise it is strip mall/residential 'burb hell. I prefer my urban walkable areas. YMMV, of course. Oh yes, and it SNOWED this morning. grrrrrr

The pregnant lady ratio is very high. It is also somewhat disturbing to me that I'm the same age as at least some of the moms of the teenagers I see. Also disturbing? These:

What is it with the big eyes? I know about the manga girls blah blah blah but these are just creepy. Also spotted across the street: a Tangled poster. Yikes, too much eye for one day.

Sigh. I seem to be stuck in grumpus world today. I am cleaning out Dad's office. It's hard, in both the way you'd think and other ways. So, public service announcement: If you have packrat tendencies, please please do me a favor and reconsider: do you really need all those pens? We are up to 10 staplers now, and that's not including the little portable ones.

I have a packrat habit all my own and right now I want to just go home and throw it all out. When Dad finally retired and they moved, he spent months going through and organizing this stuff. He told me this while we talking on the phone, last year. Right now I have an overwhelming urge to go out and just live and not buy any more crap. It's a horrid cliche but but I don't care: any day anyone can just walk out their door and be hit by a cement truck, metaphorically or otherwise.

And now of course, it's not just physical things you leave behind, but a whole computer, hard drives, and CDs full of files. He was in the middle of scanning in all the family photographs. There must be thousands. I'm trying to figure out where he left off. And here's hard #3: looking through all these old pictures, including snaps of me at 11, 14, 22.

I wish I hadn't been such a fuckup in high school and college. I wish I hadn't been so afraid, so self-conscious. There was so much I could have done and didn't. My head was messed up, sure, but I didn't even bother trying to put it together. Not like it's all that great now, but I at least have some kind of concept of myself. I have also dialed the self-loathing far back, which (quel surprise!) helps quite a lot. Maybe I've just gotten to a point where I just don't really care any more, but that's nicely freeing, actually. I look at that girl in those old photos and just want to shake her up. Stop being such an idiot.

Anyway, nothing I can do about it now, except learn.
I need some cute. Who else needs some cute? How about some hot chicks?

We went to the IFA for some fruit trees, and the store was full of a persistent cheeping. Mmm, bring on those google searches.

This year's cherries

2011-04-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

From Thursday. A friend and I walked down to waterfront park at lunchtime to admire them.

The weather finally broke last Thursday, the 31st. It's been up and down since then, but at least it feels like SPRING. My sinuses say it does too. And yesterday it was honest-to-goodness sunshine all day long (never mind the frost the night before)

Not a cherry, but a beautiful old tree near where I work, covered in big white blossoms.

I might have a bit of a blossom fixation right now. Please don't hold it against me.

Beware the Ides of March

2011-03-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

You have to watch out for those ides, they get you every time.

The winter was colder than usual, and Spring very wet and grey. The earth keeps up that stubborn tilt on its axis, though, so the sun keeps getting higher in the sky and the weather warms up, in spite of the daily forecast of showers (scattered showers, chance of showers, slight showers, heavy showers, bathroom showers). And despite my mood, there are bright piles of daffodils coming up everywhere, and the plums have gone pink all over town.

I'm not the only one complaining about the weather; my coworker said she is ready to move the hell back to LA, away from the RAIN, and she's lived here for years. Most years around March we get a little peak of good weather, a glorious warm sunny day or too makes everyone act a little crazy before the clouds descend again, but it hasn't happened yet this year.

I frequently don't seem to know what to do with myself lately. I am angry and sad and defeated, and it manifests itself in ugly ways. I've never been very good at anger. Or winter. The anxiety's rising up again; I was all clingy with K the Love Monkey this evening and I worry some car's going to side swipe him on one of his rides. He is turning into quite the bike guy. Such as, defined thighs. I try to bike in to work once a week. I'm falling swiftly behind.

January, February, March are my trifecta of least favorite months (sorry K). Dark, cold, grey, with no holidays in sight. Maybe the weather will give me a break in April. I could use a departure from the gloom.

These are the cherry trees in waterfront park, from 2 years ago, which my photo program tells me were blooming April 2nd. That's about right for this year, too, I think; I bike by them on the way to work and they are in heavy bud.

Thank you

2011-01-02T21:13:00.000-08:00

Thank you all so much for your comments. I tried to reply to everyone but I don't have everyone's email address (stupid blogger). So thank you, I appreciate all of you so much.

Going to Canada

2011-01-01T16:42:00.000-08:00

with apologies to the Canadians; it's just a metaphor.

The new year never feels much like a new year to me. I look outside and everything looks just the same as yesterday. There are no birds chirping on my window or squirrels singing or rainbows and I haven't magically gotten thin, and I don't feel some profound sense of newness. It's like going to Canada; you cross the border and you might expect everything to be different, but it all looks the same, except not quite. You can buy smarties and codeine now.

My Dad died yesterday afternoon. He has felt unwell for several months now but a month ago he was admitted him to the hospital. He didn't have lymphoma in October, it was just an infection. But then he got sick again after that, and no tests could explain the continuous fevers.

They finally tentatively diagnosed him with multiple myeloma, which is a blood/bone marrow cancer. He had very first stage, almost low enough they probably wouldn't have bothered to treat it, except they also diagnosed a complication called HLH, which, summarized, is where your immune system goes batshit crazy and starts attacking itself because of the myeloma presence (hence the fevers). The treatment is to treat the cancer.

He went through a first round of chemotherapy and was weak but no longer feverish. Then he picked up an opportunistic infection in the hospital. He wasn't conscious by the time I arrived and never came back. Each day he got a little worse. Unfortunately the chemo for stimulating production of new white blood cells didn't work either, so he had no defenses at all, and he wasn't responding to any of the treatments.

When he went, he went quickly. It was so systemic that all his systems just shut down, within a half hour.

Now it's like going to Canada again, everything looks just the same but everything is different. It's the little things that catch you, I think.

I'm really appallingly awful at talking to people right now (I blame genetics, my voice gets all high and squeaky when I'm emotional, just like Mom's) so I'm pretty much dreading the next few days. Ah well, can't be helped. I am hoping very very hard that my cousin does not bring up his racist neighbor again like he did at my grandmother's funeral or I might punch him.

If any one at the funeral asks, I'll tell them what they can do for me is that if they're able to, go donate a pint of blood. I think Dad went through at least a couple dozen of them, probably more, and I'm sure the blood supply could use the help.

Things could be better, but they could be a lot worse, too. Happy new year.

Hello, pretty mountains

Perspective

2010-12-18T10:21:00.000-08:00

for me, if no one else.
Thanks everyone for the comments. I have been a super slacker in replying. Please forgive me, and I will attempt to do better.

And just so I remember, this.

At night, the ice weasels come

2010-12-10T12:47:00.000-08:00

Always a useful phrase.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving with K's awesome aunt and uncle. A little trip, but not too far. Thanksgiving dinner had 7 people and 4 dogs, and these were not small dogs. And not a very big house either, but it all worked out, except my stupid cold (although I was not the only one with a cold). They have a hot tub and a tiny cute little sauna which honestly felt FANTASTIC when I was sick. Using the hot tub seems to be more effective for relaxing all those back muscles than all those hours of stretching I do. sigh.

There's much going on now and I'm exhausted. The love monkey has been lovely and cooked me dinner or taken me out. I'm on call for work twice this month, including Christmas week (oh please let it be quiet) because there's so few people left.

I don't have the energy to look for another job right now and I turned down the other one (the offer was... not good. I'm tired of getting crap for vacation time. I should work for another UK company. Also, dear corporations, you are fooling NO ONE with your combined sick leave/vacation. It's a transparent attempt to cut vacation hours EVEN MORE. bite me.) Whatever. If I got laid off tomorrow I'd probably take a month off and just stare at walls, when I wasn't busy with all the other stuff. Everything non-essential is getting shifted off to cope with later. I got a poinsettia because I think they're pretty and that's going to be about it for decorating. Maybe I will think about a wreath from Trader Joe's.

Anyway. Happy holidays to you all. I hope you and yours are doing well.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T12:28:00.000-08:00

To all my friends in the States (and everyone else too!). Ours is going to be kind of mellow because I came down with a cold yesteday. BLECH. 4 day weekend and what do I get? Sick.

These are the leaves that are no longer on the Japanese maple trees.

Unexpected gifts

2010-11-08T22:22:00.001-08:00

I was going to entitle this "My father doesn't have lymphoma and other good news", but we got some sunshine on Sunday and I thought of this one instead.

I wandered around with a camera Sunday morning when we got a burst of sunlight between storms. It just lit up the trees. I wish I could grasp that light and just hold it.

No, he doesn't have lymphoma, just a real nasty bacterial infection that mimicked it. His immune system isn't so great right now, but he's still around.

This is the silvervein creeper that I am very fond of, but the Love Monkey won't let me grow up the side of the garage. Neighbor around the corner has a big vine growing all over her fence.

I went to donate blood on Saturday and my systolic pressure was 38 points (38!) lower than the last time I went in. It's been steadily climbing for almost a year and a half now and I don't know why.

Maybe this is an anomaly; maybe I just used the restroom at a better time than the previously. It still feel miraculous. (note to Fillyjonk: I did completely stop taking the cetirizine months ago, even occasionally. Perhaps that's a possibility)

I really am so lucky in so many ways. I really don't need to wait until Thanksgiving to be thankful.

I am too much a nice girl

2010-10-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

And I mean that with probably all the connotations you can think of, although one is first and foremost in my mind today.

There's a lot of shit going down lately. I won't ask for an excuse for using that phrase, as it's richly descriptive. I am subjected to a manager who believes in ludicrously unreasonable deadlines. I decided to interview for another job. I just started a home business on the side. My father got very ill and he may or may not get less or more ill again, depending on what the tests say this week.

And also, honestly the media onslaught that accompanies any large election is exhausting. Even though I don't watch tv (that's why God created DVDs) and read online papers only sparingly), it's still everywhere, down to the pile of junk mail I receive everyday and the front pages of the papers in the kiosks near where I work. Just the amount of lying bullshit in the air fills me with despair.

I kind of identify as someone trying to set the world right, even if it's just doing my job well every day, throwing away trash I pick up on the street, be polite to every person I meet. I try to reduce entropy. And to see events and issues misrepresented so badly; that just makes me weep inside that any problems could ever be fixed or any wrongs could be righted.

Somewhere deep inside me is this tiny little optimistic kernel that if only everyone UNDERSTOOD things, aided by my trying to communicate as clearly as possible, then everyone would work towards a better world. Then the nasty cynical part reminds me that no, that's not actually true. The actions of many make it clear that they are actively trying to twist the world for their own gain, and nothing matters besides that.

Anyway, random aside, whatever. Back to topic.

I really dislike interviewing. Talking doesn't come easy for me, harder still if it's someone I don't know. I don't describe things well, and I don't have a natural rhythm to my speech. It seems to take too long for things to travel from my brain to my mouth, and they get garbled along the way.

But back to the nice girl: I am crap at negotiating.

I consistently undervalue my work and worth. I am so accustomed to trying to make you happy at any cost, that I will make concessions I don't agree with, that weren't necessary anyway. I am so damn eager to please that I'll do something I don't want to do to make a third party happy, when he might not even care.

I always seem to have to wait for external validation that I am competent and hardworking and deserve that raise. I never ask.

I don't know why it's so hard for me to tell someone that I am skilled and competent and believe I should be compensated fairly for this. There's this feeling that I will somehow mortally offend them by suggesting something more advantageous to me. That I will loose that all-important validation if they say no. That they're so uninterested in me that they'll just dismiss me out of hand.

And this is for a job I am not even certain I want to take. I am already employed (knock on that wood), and really, it's Not That Bad working here. I like the people a lot. The work is interesting.

I keep trying to come up with a coping mechanism for this and failing. I have a whole script I wrote out for a phone conversation this morning. I pretend I'm playing a character. I act Vulcan and keep reminding myself this is all professional. Grrrr still blurt out stupid things.

Even more things

2010-10-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

The weekend after hiking we flew to New York to visit the Love Monkey's brother & SIL and NY niece and nephew. Yay for cheap tickets. Boo for the red eye.
It was gorgeous weather, sunny and warm the whole time. Better than Portland weather, by far. I brought a long sleeve shirt but never wore it. It's like when I was living in LA and occasionally in February it would rain, washing all the crud out of the air, and then the next day it was sunny and 75 degrees. In February. It was epiphany weather: as in, "Ah, THAT'S why everyone moved to southern California".

Mostly we hung out with the relatives, because they're fun to be around and NY niece & nephew are a hoot 'n' a half. I wish we didn't live so far away from them. NY niece is in KINDERGARTEN now. aaagh! She and I and her Mom played some great Plants vs. Zombies.

Carousel ride in Central Park. I've never heard a carousel play "There's a bad moon on the rise" on calliope pipes before.

Part of the amble through Central Park.

And HOO do you love? (yes, that's a bat to the right)

More things I did

2010-10-19T22:37:00.000-07:00

A few weekends ago, on what we thought might be the last sunny warm weekend of the year, we went backpacking up in Indian Heaven Wilderness

What you cannot see in this picture is the west side of Mount St. Helens peaking through the trees.

Saturday was gorgeous and warm and sunny.

There were huckleberries. OK, not so many on this bush.

Sunday was not quite so warm and sunny.

But it was mysterious and interesting and not bad hiking weather. I only managed to fall over once, and really in the best possible way as I didn't break or strain anything (Except once I got home my bad knee swelled up and I couldn't really bend it much for a week. I definitely choose hiking over stairs for ways to ruin your knees, though.)

The Love Monkey contemplates the mist.
Sadly (not so sadly?) there weren't any wildlife encounters except some chipmunks and birds. I'm fine with that, as I don't really enjoy having the bear box we brought get a workout.

Not very good at being back

2010-10-17T14:59:00.000-07:00

As you might have been able to tell.

It's really nice just to sit here and type even though my todo list is still 20 items long. Hey, I just crossed off a couple of them. Small victories, people.

In September I went to OFFF, the Oregon Flock & Fiber Festival. It was lovely, as always.
Hi Michelle, I am specifically not posting a picture of you! Even though it's a good one!

I think a lot of people got shots of this guy.

Sheep owners seem to like Papyrus a lot.

I am posting a picture of THIS Michelle. Fickleknitter was there!

I bought some pretty yarn, to add to the mountain of pretty yarn I already have.

Cookie!

2010-10-17T14:54:00.001-07:00

Hi Cookie!

Are for

2010-10-17T14:53:00.000-07:00

posts

2010-10-17T14:52:00.001-07:00

These

2010-10-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

I'm back

2010-09-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

After a week camping in the desert. That was the week before last but then I got a head cold and spent a week coughing up small kittens. Not to mention acclimating again to society and the continuing-to-worsen circus that is my place of employment.

This week it's only baby mice, so things are getting better.

We were going to go camping this weekend (no desert, just somewhere nearby) but the rainstorms have moved in and we deemed it too soggy. I don't mind hiking in the rain, but when you stop and end up sitting in your tent, reading... not so much fun.

Sometimes it's a dryish fall here, but maybe not this year. But it's warm rain, so I don't mind so much. I rode my bike home wednesday and it was wonderful. It wasn't pouring, but it was steady. Everyone was out in raincoats and pants and I was riding home in shorts & a t-shirt and I didn't care. Riding in the rain in the dusk like that, with it so warm and wet you can smell everything, it felt like actively being alive. That's something I have not been feeling often for the last year. Maybe longer. The week in the desert helped wake me up a little. It rained there too.

Out the front of the windshield. Yes, I was completely stopped.
And part of the gorgeous sunset afterwards.

Pretty pictures of flowers

2010-08-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

I'm up "early" (for me, ok?) on a Sunday because I kept having crap dreams, one right after another. They all had to do with me screwing something up, or not getting something done, and everyone was disappointed and angry with me. Hi Subconscious, miss me much?

I'm preparing for a weeklong camping trip to the middle of nowhere and I have a billion lists and no, am not even close to being ready. The Love Monkey's been up and down to California on weekly business trips so he's got other fish to fry.

My favorite rosebush in the front yard. I thought it had died but this year it grew a new branch and flowered anyway. Roses are weird.

I'm also trying to get ready for a costume party, the more lurid the outfit the better. Love Monkey is going to go in a Sarong Suit (his own invention: suit coat, brightly colored tie, sarong) so I've got some pinstriped suiting that I'm making him a wrap skirt out of (shhh, it's going to be a fakey sarong because the fabric is a little too heavy to use in full sarong style.) I'm just going to do once & a half around and put in some buttons to secure it at the waist instead of ties. I'm trying to figure out how to get the pinstripes to go mostly up and down. He also doesn't have much of a waist so maybe I'll put in belt loops.

This year we finally caught the iris bloom at the Japanese garden.

Me, I'm going as tragic 80s; I've got some day-glow pink small-mesh nylon and lime-green big-mesh nylon that I'm somehow going to turn into a skirt. There'll probably be lots of draping. I've got some aluminum chain for the waist (oh yes!) and I'm going to pick up a pair of these gloves. Or maybe these; I haven't yet decided. And some fishnets, since a mesh skirt isn't quite enough, right?

I am stymied on the top, though. Any ideas? It might be kind of cold so more substantial is better. Maybe this shirt? but it is kind of expensive to be a one-off costume, and it only comes in purple and grey. Maybe I'll just strategically rip up a t-shirt.

And the hydrangeas, who are just fine with the cooler summer this year, thank you.

Baby Blankets of DOOM

2010-08-08T22:56:00.000-07:00

So this story starts off with me admitting that sometimes I have a remnants problem. Remnants being little bits of fabric or trim or whatever is left over when you've almost used up almost all the bolt or the spool or the skein.

Part of it is the thrill of the hunt, that I have discovered Something Valuable! that would otherwise have been thrown away. And! It's! On! Sale!

I really do get a little jolt of happiness when this happens. I think this might be partly genetic. You laugh, but one of my grandfather's hobbies was competitive shopping; I kid you not.

Another part is that my tastes could kindly be called eclectic. For example, sometimes when I go out to dinner I can't decide on any particular food and just order multiple appetizers (tapas places are fantastic at enabling this behavior). I like scrap quilts and collage and especially the idea that lots of disparate parts can be brought together to make a whole more fabulous than its parts.

Any other parts probably require therapy and therefore I refuse to admit them.

ANYWAY. Fabric Depot can be a dangerous place for me. One time I spotted about a yard & a half cut of white plush Minky. If you aren't familiar with the Better-Living-Through-Chemistry wonder of Minky, it's that polyester microfiber fleece, the really soft stuff. It's woven or some magic construction, so it doesn't unravel or fray (although it does roll a bit). This was a piece of the shag carpet kind.

Somehow I thought it would be a good idea to own this piece of Minky and bought it at its fabulous price (win!) It then proceeded to sit in my closet for oh, 5 years or so. I didn't want to throw it out but I didn't know what to use it for.

Recently I had 2 new nephews come along, and one of my ideas was that I could make them blankets! Out of the Minky! Yay, something useful and soft! I googled around and found a couple of tutorials on making Minky blankets. This didn't sound so bad. The latter warns about the Minky slipperyness, so I resolved to pin assiduously.

I, ahem, went out and bought more fabric for the backing, some baby satin in this big polka dot print. Nephew #1 got brown + blue dots, and nephew #2 got brown + green dots. Hey, I got it during a sale, so not so bad. Also I owned no baby satin so of course I had to buy some (I probably could have saved myself pain and grief and money just using some of that pile of cotton I own).

I have no pictures of blanket #1. This is blanket #2, and from a camera distance, it doesn't look half bad. That's because the puckered edge is folded under, and you can't see the stitches I ripped out from one side, and the slightly lopsided mitered corners.

See, I thought this would be easy because I've sewn a lot of cotton and thought how hard could it be? HAHAHAHAHAHA
Not only did I have slippery minky to cope with, I'd backed it with polyester satin. POLYESTER SATIN. Could there be any more slippery than that?

Blanket #1 I pinned out on a bed. That was a mistake. I did pin it every inch. Yes, every inch. It took me all day to make that blanket and I have no pictures of the puckery ugliness of those seams. The corners are embarassing. I really ought not to have sent it, but I am ashamed to admit I did and hopefully my sister-in-law will forgive me. It's soft and machine washable and not likely to fall apart any time soon, so it's got that going for it.

Blanket #2 I got wise and pinned out on a HARD SURFACE, straightening out the backing as much as possible. It still took over an hour to get the sides pinned over (I went with tutorial #1 with the big ol' satin border, since I had more satin than minky.) There was another hour or so getting those mitered corners so they didn't suck (so much. I didn't get them perfect, ever).

Again, I pinned it every inch, oh yes I did. Tutorial #2 was using cotton as a backing which probably stabilized things a bit, so even though she says you don't need it, I hauled out the walking foot. I haven't had much practice with it, since I'm still trying to get around to teaching myself machine quilting. I hoped the learning curve was small. Fortunately it was really easy to use and did just what I needed.

There were many pins.

Really, many many pins.

This one did go a lot smoother, especially along the long sides, which didn't stretch or shift as much. I didn't pay enough attention to underneath on one of the short sides and ended up with puckered on top and double layers on the bottom. That's the side I ripped out completely (and I will second Tutorial #2's observation that picking stitches out of minky (or baby satin) is Not Fun.)

So that my "if you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning" experience might be helpful to someone:

1. Do yourself a favor and use a walking foot.

2. That said it still puckered a bit on the short edges.

3. When they suggest pinning every inch, they mean it.

4. When you set out the layers to pin, do it on a hard, flat surface, and be sure you're not pinning up extra folds of fabric from the back.

5. Tutorial #1 is nice but I decided to go with a double stitch line. I didn't like how the edge popped up so much with a single line near the edge, and it's harder to do. Much easier to fold over a BIG seam allowance underneath (probably 5/8"? I eyeballed it), stitch a first inner line about 1/2" in from the edge, and then stitch another line an 1/8" or so in from the edge.

6. If you do do a double line, beware, as the satin likes to edge up through the opening in the presser foot and then it puckers and doubles and you cry a lot. I used a seam ripper and my fingers to keep it flat, stopping and straightening it when necessary. Sew slowly.

7. I should mention that anyway. SEW SLOWLY. It's too easy for the layers to shift, even with all the pins.

8. I guided with my right hand, SLOWLY, and kept my left hand under the blanket, making sure that the back was kept smooth. This helps to avoid having to rip out a whole side when you accidentally trap a couple of folds on the back into the seam and can't live with yourself until it's fixed.

9. And last but not least: Don't prewash the minky with anything else, except maybe the satin. It pilled like crazy on the back, and you could feel it through the satin. Another hour I spent was shaving the minky. Ha, that sounds like some horrible euphemism.

The funny thing was that once I'd spent another few hours ripping out that side and restitching, I actually feel like I'm a much more skilled minky blanket sewer now. #3 would probably turn out great and take half the time. That would require me to actually do a #3 and I don't think that's going to happen. I am sticking to cotton for now.

Hey, those stitch lines don't quite meet!

2 cool things

2010-08-04T15:36:00.000-07:00

1. Slow motion videos of lightning

2. 100 pounds of stoned feline

One of the reasons I dislike airlines

2010-08-01T10:11:00.001-07:00

Guess what I'm doing today!!??

That would be trawling online underwear stores looking for a non-wired bra. See, the last couple times I flew I set off the metal detector. The ONLY metal I was wearing on my body happened to be in the breastal area and the button & zip on my pants.

"Oh no," the wanding person assured me, "it's not sensitive enough to pick up that." She didn't say any more after she wanded me all over (including the turning over of the waistband, blah blah blah) and yet failed to pick up any evil terrorist bombs anywhere on my body, including hiding between my boobs.

The next time I flew I wore my sports bra, which is fine for small periods of time but it's kind of BIG and gets a bit scratchy after several hours. Didn't set of the detector, though.

Genetics has gifted me with a largish bosom and it's not that easy finding unwired support. Thank goodness for teh Interwebs, because no one local seems to have them. For my size, there is very little intersection between comfortable, cute, and supportive, although usually I can get 2 out of 3. I'm reminded of the fluff NY Times article about some woman who decided to get breast augmentation surgery and then afterwards discovered that most clothes aren't really designed for busty ladies (the mental image I get when I use that phrase is like a crowd of rhinoceros with enormous breasts pushing forward) and she could no longer wear those "cute t-shirts". Ha ha. When I find a sleeveless top that fits there's a faint sound of trumpets and angelic choirs. It's as if society's beauty standards prize busty women, but only with all their clothes off.

Those puppies aren't going anywhere.

Thank you

2010-07-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

Thank you all so very much for your kind compliments. I'm very pleased The Haircut turned out so well, after years of apprehension. It's so light! I can swish my hair around! It looks cute!

It is true I can no longer do a true Princess Leia

but I never have gotten around to that by now; it's ridiculous to think I will in the next 5 years. Not to mention that my stature more closely resembles Darth Vader than it does Carrie Fisher's petite Leia (there is no jiggling in the Empire!)
But I can wash it and it dries in under an hour!

Small miracles, my friends.

Who is this woman and why is she posting on my blog?

2010-07-10T15:18:00.001-07:00

Before
After

I had no idea I had curly hair.

Hair Anxiety

2010-07-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

I'm finally going to do it. I made an appointment for a haircut, on Saturday.

It's a place that'll do the donation to Locks of Love; if I'm going to cut off a foot & a half, someone might as well get some use out of it.

I really shouldn't be so apprehensive about such a transitory thing. It's just... I've had long hair forever, and that really isn't an exaggeration, as I have never cut it. Oh, I trim it now and then so it's not so straggly, but the only major cut I ever got was for bangs when I was 11 or so. And that wasn't really all that major.

For someone who doesn't give much of a care about how she looks, I seem to be startlingly vain about my hair. I was trying to explain why to the Love Monkey. For one, it's the only source of random complements I really ever get. Damn, it's pretty shallow that I care about that but it's nice, okay? -- almost especially because it's various strangers on the street. I don't get many compliments. I'm not ever winning any beauty contests and never have.

Another part of it is more personal, in that it immediately identifies me as FEMALE to anyone (from behind. From in front, there's no doubt at all, which I guess an be a mixed blessing). I've had a lot of trouble finding my own space for feeling female, as I don't really fit into any of the archetype woman categories. I don't always get along with other women very well, and I don't know why; maybe I don't think in quite the same way. It bleeds into all those feelings of inadequacy and poor self-image and all that crap. So frequently at the base of my fear is a declaration that dammit, at least I HAVE GOOD HAIR.

Aaaand yet another Terry Pratchett reference enters my life, via Agnes Nitt, who was: 'Tired of being seen as just another overweight girl with "a nice personality and good hair" '.

And so, it's really past time for some kind of change. I'm just steeling myself so I don't do something ridiculous like burst into tears. I have no idea even what kind of haircut to ask for. I will throw myself upon their mercy and hope for the best and not too much hairspray, as it gives me a headache. Meanwhile I am rocking the Little House On the Prairie look for as long as I'm able.

Die, mosquitos, DIE

2010-07-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

An extremely wet June followed by really hot weather (someone flicked the summer switch here. It's been 95 degrees for the last 3 days. I'm not complaining, I'm so happy to see solid sunshine for more than a day) seems to have bred a pack of monster killer mosquitos this year. I think I have about 20 bites now but I've stopped counting.

Just going outside to water the plants for 5 minutes I got 6 more tonight. And 3 more just sitting here inside; they must've snuck in when I had the door open.

Yeah, I'm a wimp, I don't know how to handle my mosquitos like seasoned midwesterners. But please can I STOP ITCHING ALREADY?

Did I mention...

2010-07-05T16:33:00.000-07:00

that I also took a wirework class a couple months ago? Because you know, I just have NOTHING to fill my spare time.

The first is quartz chips; the second various stuff. Guess I wanted to do the wire equivalent of a scrappy quilt.

I'm making earrings and I DON'T EVEN HAVE PIERCED EARS. I am in trouble now.

Another random picture

2010-07-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

I got a new peony at the farmer's market. Yeah, I know, retail therapy, blah blah.

But isn't she pretty?

More changes at work. I am doubtful, but I'll try them, and maybe it will help some of the problems. My intentions are to take this opportunity to learn the current programming methodologies and go in the developer direction. I have become cynical and disenchanted with testing jobs, as it appears (based on my own experience and observation), that the vast majority of companies don't value it much at all, and it's the first thing to go. I certainly don't get paid as well and the only upward direction is management. So screw it, at least this will give me more options. I was long partially hostile towards XP since the first project I worked with an XP team didn't feel the need for non-developer QA at ALL, and it was one of the biggest messes I've ever seen. And unfortunately had to take part in. But the Agile work we've been doing is a vast improvement over waterfall and some of the best work I've ever done.

Sorry, technical crap jargon probably most people don't care about. And you shouldn't feel too bad for me, since I am still employed and it's truly still a nice situation. Let's say that when the apocalypso comes my only useful skills will be in knitting. It's lovely to feel something tangible under your fingers after all you do is poke at electricity all day. Wire is even more solid. And shinier.

My weird sunburn

2010-06-30T19:26:00.001-07:00

it's like someone put their thumb in the middle of my upper arm and pushed, except that it's a sunburn. I have no idea why it looks like that. I wasn't holding or wearing anything weird.

The importance of getting guage

2010-06-30T08:21:00.001-07:00

(click for big)

This post is dedicated to the letter P for procrastination and my ever-leaking sinuses

2010-06-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

This post is an uncomfortably accurate (at least some of the time) and hilarious summary of my life: This is Why I'll never be an Adult, from Hyperbole and a Half. Especially lately.

On the plus side, it appears that Summer! Is! Finally! Here! HOORAY! Thursday-Sunday all sunny, all warm, all the time. OK, today is kind of cloudy. But enh, Mondays, what do you expect? The weekend was fabulous, there was beer, and I got the weirdest shaped sunburn ever. Oooh, I should post a picture!

I finally broke down and am trying the nasal sprays. They make me nervous; I like my sense of smell and I'd really like it to stick around. Step right up and spin the Allergy Med Wheel! I'll take possibly efficacious? for $200, Bob. Current survey says not very, but I'm supposed to go for more than a day. What fun side effects will be involved with THIS one?

Pea vines

2010-06-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

6 foot tall fence for scale (and support)

Sunshine day everybody's laughing

2010-06-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

Mmmm those Brady Bunch flashbacks

I was eating lunch today and looking at blogs and getting a little annoyed at some people who don't ever seem to update their blogs. Then I felt embarassed when I realized there's some kind of pot here and he's harassing a certain kettle. Good intentions, road to hell, blah blah blah. Since I use excuses not to get around to posting, I suppose I can use an excuse to post. It's a sunny afternoon, the first one in a week. Good enough.

It has been a craptastic week. There was an office politics explosion and my awesome boss, her awesome boss, and some other people got laid off. There is other stuff but I can't talk about it. We had the best, most kickass team that I've ever worked with and it's all falling apart. Sometimes I kind of wish it'd been me too.

Last weekend I was at a wedding of a old friend who I spent a lot of good (and not so good) times with. It was a lovely party, but there is some psychological stuff going on in my head (no, not what you're thinking. We're sincerely, really just friends. Neither of us is each other's type at all) and I really want to talk about it but I can't do that in a public space. I'm reticent even speaking with K. It just keeps bothering me. I'll probably sit down and write a huge rambling text file and file it away in the locked journal directory of my computer. Maybe I just need to get it out.

I've finished up 2 pairs of socks, started another, been dyeing like crazy, swearing a lot over trying to reproduce some previous colorings, and started a beaded scarf that I really like but it's SO SLOW it's driving me nuts. It's pre-string-the-beads kind of project and every time I have to pull over a bead it interrupts the whole flow. But it looks so pretty I keep bulling on. Oh, and I swatched for a sweater, like, 2 months ago. What, I'm supposed to start it now? (stop laughing)

What else? Oh, the peas. They love this weather. They're 7 feet tall and STILL GROWING. We're at 4.24" rain for June. Average is 0.24", with a historic minimum 0 and a max of 1.48". But the best thing is they are just getting ripe and it's like my little green sugary heaven out there. They're sugar snap, and mostly they don't even make it inside the house before being devoured. I'll take a picture for you this weekend.

Grey days

2010-05-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hmm, it's been more than a month. I've been flaky, and going through another one of those times where everything I say sounds wrong and pretentious and boring. I think boring may be the worst of those.

Portland had an odd, sunny, warm early Spring, and in a reversal of fortune, it's been a cold, wet, rainy late Spring. The past few weeks have been cold, incessantly rainy, or just oppressively overcast. All. the. time. At least this last week has warmed up to past 50 degrees again. The weather for June? More of the same. The local term for this is Junuary. It's going to be a Junuary kind of year, I guess. I take my vitamin D faithfully, and I don't even mind the rain much, but I could really use a little more sunshine. The grey just washes all the color out of everything.

K the love monkey picked up a Spring cold last weekend but I fought it off with luck and zinc (and perhaps that multivitamin I was taking because I intend to donate blood. I seem to be naturally borderline anemic and I have to take a multi for at least a week ahead of time or I fail the hematocrit levels. It always used to bother me when the blood donation nurses would recommend that I take pre-natal vitamins, though. I'm not pregnant, nor do I intend to be. I always wanted to ask them if they recommend them to the men, too?)

It wasn't a bad cold, just a couple days of congestion, but it was one of those that settles in your sinuses and you keep leaking and coughing for days. He's had a grumpy week. And his grumpy combined with my sense of feeling boring all the time has made for a lot of quiet around the house. Add that to the fact that I've been on call for work this week and worked all yesterday, and, well, it's not much of a holiday. I can't be more than 20 minutes away from a computer, so maybe we will just cycle down to the Lucky Lab and drink beer all afternoon. There are many worse ways to spend a Sunday.

The love monkey's been bicycling quite a bit lately, up a fairly steep hill nearby. I think it's great that he's getting out regularly, exercising. It makes him generally less grumpy, he sleeps better, and he gets out of the house. He's gotten so that he can get all the way up the hill without having to stop. Also awesome. But at the same time I am secretly resentful. Bleh. I can't make it to the top of that hill without stopping, twice. In fact, I'm pretty crappy all around, physically, these days.I haven't been biking to work much, it's a combination of laziness, lots of rain, the cold, ongoing lower back grumpiness, my not getting up early enough, blah blah blah. I haven't been interested in making time for exercise lately. It takes me so much effort to get any better at it, while K can just go up the hill a handful of times and suddenly he's Mr. Bike Dude. I don't want to go on any rides with him any more because I already know what will be nearly effortless for him will have me wheezing and falling over, and I really dislike feeling like I'm slowing anyone down. The solution to this is, of course, to stop being such an annoying whiner and start getting up early enough to do the hill myself everyday, and maybe I'd catch up a little. But right now I just don't have the damn energy for it. And I LIKE riding my bike. It's FUN, except when I have to go up HUGE HILLS, which are decidedly NOT FUN and make me feel like I'm going to die, right there on the side of the road.

Well, there, Big Alice's Mental State. Not really a fun place to visit, the taxes are killer.

In other news I now have 2 new nephews, from different sides of the family:
Nephew #1, rocking the Winston Churchill look

Nephew #2, likely forcefully asking to be returned to that warm place he was lately removed from.

That's all I got for adorable, except the cat, who I caught singing to the birds yesterday (does anyone else's cat do that? Start making weird mewly sounds when watching the birds? She doesn't do it often) and no, I don't have it on camera.

Admission

2010-04-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

These are my new pomatomus socks. I'm hoping these will actually fit me this time and that carpet beetles won't nibble little holes in them.

The background is, um, the Pacific Ocean, but the Pacific a lot farther away from where I live. Here's another view:

Yeah, we went to Hawaii again. I found cheap tickets to Maui back in February and we had such a good time last time we figured what the hay. Plus we both could use the break. We stayed home for Christmas and didn't take any time off. K's been stressed out of his mind for, oh, a year or so now, and I can tell you personally that bright, direct Hawaiian sun is an effective way to beat seasonal affective disorder.

I wasn't online much so I am catching up with the last week.

It was gorgeous and beautiful and relaxing and I saw 4 sea turtles and managed to escape with only a tiny sunburn. It's good to be home again, but it was a lovely vacation. As usual most of my pictures are of flowers and sunsets and crap like that, not a single iconic beach picture. Oh well.

Not really that angry all the time

2010-04-14T23:14:00.000-07:00

I want to delete that last post, but I feel disingenuous doing so, as if all my life is happy rainbow butterflies and non-felting fiber. It feels like there are so many better things to get angry about, like people dying of preventable diseases, or snow leopards going extinct, or the stupidity of politicians. I've never really learned how to cope with anger very well. I don't know why, maybe because my parents rarely got outright angry and never argued.

Anyway, pretty roving, by oven cooking (thank you Michelle, I was thinking about trying that method and thanks for the report of the results)

I'm in trouble now, I've started naming them. This one is "Moral Ambiguity"

And this, Coaxing the Flame

(which both got a thumbs up color-wise from Michelle, so yay!)
Also, the pansies are so pretty. Here you go, gratuitous pansy.

I'm back and I'm mad

2010-04-14T15:43:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your kind words and comments. I really, really appreciate them, and I intend to answer them all, I'm just very slow. Thank you.

Okay, so you know: rant ahead. You might want to just skip this. I just really need to get it out, and a private text file is not enough this time.

Now. You know what annoys me? Lately it's articles like this that piss me right off.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/14/health/14diabetes.html

Seems pretty straightforward; health insurance company teaming up with YMCA to offer a program for weight loss/health/diabetes prevention.

It includes at least one success story from someone who'd been on the YMCA program, talking about how wonderful it was, how well it worked, it wasn't like those other weight loss things where she'd gained it all back.

Now, why would I get so stabby about such a wonderful feel good story like that where people learn to get healthy and help themselves and it reduces all our bills blah blah blah?

1. 49 pounds. She says she lost 49 pounds. Why isn't there a huge blinking banner that says RESULTS NOT TYPICAL?

Let's put all the cards on the table. I am 5'8". I weigh 205 pounds. I am obese. I am not even in the pretty "overweight" category.

10 years ago I was still 5'8" and weighed, oh, about 190-195 pounds. After 12+ years of body guilt about "if only I'd get off the couch and start exercising I could be thin like everyone says I could be", I really went and did it, tried to get skinny. (I was not an overweight child, although I was always at the top of height/weight charts for my age. I hit puberty and got breasts, hips, pubic hair, and 50 pounds. SURPRISE! You lose the teenage genetic lotto!)

I started eating low fat, and almost no sugar. I kept a food diary. I didn't limit calories, but I did watch carefully what I ate and how much. That was good for about 2 months and 10 pounds, and then it stopped, and it didn't budge. Did I mention this spanned both Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Then I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer. At this point my new part-time job started, called "exercise". I did 1 hour of cardio every day of the week (until the trainer told me to take a day off once a week). I was weight-lifting 3 days a week, full-circuit, legs to shoulders to triceps and all that. In addition there were the stretches, the abdominal exercises (daily). Oh yeah, and a once a week yoga class. And, you know, showering and changing. You add up the hours. Yes, I was also employed full-time.

This continued for about 6 months until I ripped the meniscus in one of my knees (also getting the first of the back injuries along the way). I avoided surgery (see, fatty saved you some money) but I went through several months of physical therapy. That was fun, that added 1.5 hours of stretches and exercises EVERY DAY in addition to therapy sessions in addition to trying to get back to the 6-days-a-week cardio, 3-days-a-week lifting.

Over the 6 months I lost about 15 pounds. Yes, that's it. That's all. 1/2 pound in a week was a GOOD week. I dropped from a size 18 to a 12.

There is this myth that all fat people need to do is just start moving, man, get up and take a walk, stop gorging on hamburgers and soda and pizza. I'm going to do a little self-righteous ranting: do you KNOW the last time I had a soda? No, not even diet. I WALK or BIKE to work. How many of my thin (e.g. 'healthy' since they aren't fat) coworkers do that? How many of them go to the gym on a regular basis? How many eat fast food garbage every day? While I'm sure that there's a pool of people that would drop 50 pounds if they started to eat healthier food and exercise regularly (see story above), THIS IS NOT UNIVERSALLY TRUE.

I am all for encouraging people to exercise and eat healthy food. But what happens when they don't magically turn thin?

So don't talk to me about self-control. I know what self-control is and I damn well have it.

2. This program "will be available at no cost to participants". And just a couple paragraphs later I see "investing tens of millions of dollars in this initiative". Soooo.. this won't cost any more money. All those tens of millions are coming out of the amazing cost savings once all those obese people get thin and don't get diabetes. And hey, if it's a successful program and actually encourages healthy behavior and not starving yourself or food guilt, then maybe it will. That'd be great, and I do hope that happens.

3. this quote:
"...expand on the success of a clinically proved program that has been offered by the Y. Based on evidence drawn from that program, people who are pre-diabetic and lose just 5 percent of their body weight can reduce their chances of developing the disease by almost 60 percent"

Someone want to show me this clinically proved program? Some numbers? Some even mention of this study at all except in passing? Because we all know that all clinical studies are COMPLETELY TRUE and never have false data or doctored results or might be run by someone who has a vested interest in certain results or anything.

Next up. 5% of my body weight is 10 pounds. This is easily in my 185-205 "normal" weight range (I'm at the top right now, and not surprisingly so, as I haven't been exercising much. There's been some more back problems and I really don't feel like screwing it up again (seeing a chiro now. It's interesting. So far she's been able to give me some exercises and stretches (oh, those stretches. I will never be free of them) that are loosening things up enough that I can sort of bend over now at the end of the day, which let me tell you is a big win. Yoga and massage help too, but not so much as this) Normal is what's normal for me. I can go up and down in here without too much difficulty. Going higher or lower requires extraordinary effort (see above)

So let's take the study at face value. Cool, eating healthy and exercising (which we're going to assume that these people were not doing) reduces risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Yay! Note that there is no reference to the study and also no reference to "more is better". Yet that is the IMPLICIT SUGGESTION in this article. If all those fatties could drop 33% of their weight, NO ONE would get diabetes!

Another story: I got the family history. Dad has it, uncle has, great uncle has it. Yeah, genetics sucks. Also from the family line: my weight, my hair, my height. Nobody says the height is unhealthy (the jury's still out on the hair, I guess), but they seem to think I have some control over the genetics of weight. Anyway, I digress.

Uncle, being an MD and knowing he was at risk for the big D, is trim. Exercised all the time. Ate all healthy and chicken breasts and stuff. Aunt kept him at it when he started flagging. The end of the story: he still got diabetes anyway.

Note: 10 pounds is not even close to 49 pounds.

3. Back to our little anecdote:
"In reading about diabetes, she realized she was at risk for developing the Type 2 version.

And yet, she said, 'my doctors had never said one word about it.' "

In what wooowoo universe does SHE live in? Do you KNOW how much I have avoided and dreaded doctors just to get around the "weight talk"? And if you don't know what I'm talking about, be very glad. And, family history of diabetes is about the FIRST THING I EVER GET ASKED walking into any doctor, even if it's the damn dermatologist.

4. Ms. Schenetzke, who lost 49 pounds, has stuck with her healthy habits. Excellent! She says:
"Unlike other programs, where she quickly regained whatever weight she had lost, this represented a permanent change, she said. 'I thought from the beginning that it would work.'"

You have been on this plan since NOVEMBER darling, that would be... 6 months. 95% of all weight loss outside of the "normal range" disappears within 5 years. 1st year is usually pretty good. How can we know this is a permanent change? arggggh

5. But I really like this:
"'Unlike conventional gyms, the Y has and always has had a message of health'"
Yay, for once, someone uses the term "healthy", and not "thin".

6. and last:

"And unlike some of the federally mandated experiments called for in the new health care law, Ms. Darling said, the results will be quickly apparent. 'We don’t have to wait five years.'"

Why not? what are you going to find out in 6 months?
60% of your people don't get diabetes in the first year? And the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th years don't matter? Does it matter if people stick to your lifestyle exercise plan? How can you tell they will? WTF, this makes no sense at all.

And lest you think I'm just ranting for fun, read this. I now get the privilege of paying up to 50% more for my health insurance costs. Because I'm fat, nevermind anything else. Did you not think that perhaps this is ONE MORE WAY FOR THESE INSURANCE COMPANIES TO MAKE MONEY?

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/13/health/13land.html

They don't even hide it.

"Premium discounts for people who achieve health objectives — or who are thin, have normal blood pressure or do not smoke to begin with..."

It's not about healthy, it's about THIN.

I do not look fondly upon the people who put my 2-year-old niece on a diet because she "looked fat". Even my brother did a double take when they told her to get more exercise, seeing as she does very little but RUN AROUND ALL DAY (in our short scientific study, 100% of people who observe her on a daily basis agree with that statement!)

Did it ever possibly occur to them that perhaps the same genetics that predispose me to heavier weight might also dispose me to type 2 diabetes? That the relation is correlational, not causational? Oh no, I just need to back away from the pizza and donuts. SCREW YOU self-righteous donut eaters. It's not me eating them on Friday mornings.

Yeah, stuff

2010-04-02T11:10:00.001-07:00

So, um, yeah. I'm sorry, I haven't been answering emails, or reading blogs much, or responding to comments. It's been kind of a down week. Few weeks. When I get like this, everything seems to take so much effort, so I tend to cut out doing everything except the barest essentials, like going to work, pay8ing bills, and feeding and watering the cat. The rain is unending.

I'll be fine; I'm taking a break from work soonish which should help immensely. Meanwhile I have to beat down the sugar cravings with a big metaphorical stick, and make sure I get my vitamin D. Also there will be some dyeing of things BRIGHT YELLOW. I'll post up pictures of my quilt top from those QAWM blocks, soon as I get a border on it. It is quite vivid :)

Also

2010-03-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

Whomever claims that today is the "first day of Spring" can bite me.

Fiber dyeing ate my soul

2010-03-21T17:02:00.001-07:00

Well, I tried some direct dyeing (paint then steam, a.k.a make a huge mess in the basement)

Some Finn top:

and some 80/20 merino/silk:

What you cannot see from my beauteous, carefully posed pictures, is I am STILL getting it fuzzed up around the edges - like a light surface felting. Maybe it's just compressed? I can't tell, don't have enough spinning knowhow.

and look at this insouciant little bit of Finn, previously kettle dyed pink:

This one was worse, it feels pretty much unworkable now. Breaks my heart, as I adore that little red-orange-pink-yellow-green bit at the beginning.

It must be something with my rinse, then? But I don't know how in Howandaland that could be, as I'm letting temperatures change slowly, rinsing after they've cooled completely, in lukewarm water, and I'm just sliding it into the water. No agitation, no squeezing, no nothing. I drain and refill the rinse bath a few times (yes, never letting the water fall directly upon my precious, precious wool), then hang them up. That's it.

These appeared to come out of the steam rolls compressed - they didn't expand much in the water. So maybe it's something in the steaming while squeezed up in wrap? ARGGHH.

I've got something else to try, just layering the fiber in a container then baking. No rolling up in plastic wrap tubes. Maybe that'll tell me if it's the cooking-while-compressed that's the problem?

Back to the drawing board

2010-03-08T22:48:00.001-08:00

Dammit, I thought I was doing better. And then I go try the merino/silk blend again and I get ye olde partially felted fiber.

I adore the coloring, but can you see the wavy bits near the top? Yeah, the outside kind of felted, again. I seem to be able to handle the 80/20 BFL/silk but not 80/20 merino/silk. Hmph, I can make the Finn behave, too.

I'm just going to suck it up and start directly applying dye and then steaming. I prefer kettle dyeing since it's less of a mess (for me) and I like the watercolor/color blending. We'll see if it's a rinsing problem or a cooking problem.
Isn't it pretty (well, if you like rusty-orange colored wool)? I love how the silk takes up the dye differently and puts in little shiny bits.

On Call

2010-03-05T11:40:00.000-08:00

I'm on call for work this week, which means I'm contractually obligated not to be farther than 20 minutes away from a computer this week and weekend. Kind of a bummer, as I won't be able to participate much in the Portland Yarn Crawl. Then again, it's probably a good thing - you know, save me from myself.

I've been kind of grumpy the last few days as I'm trying to break my current sugar habit. I'll tell you right now, up front, that this isn't about weight or the evils of sugar. In the last year I've made a concerted effort to drop the whole food guilt thing and I cannot express adequately just how much happier and relieved I am not to feel morally "good" or "bad" based on what I eat. Screw that. There's only food, not "good" or "bad"; just food, and the different effects it has on my body.

But I've been feeling kind of like a big bucket of crud lately and I know I get like that sometimes when the sugar is riding high. So I'm doing this because I want to feel better, and I because dislike craving sugar every day.

Also bummed because the dresses I tried ordering from this place I just found do not fit. I went through this already with Shabby Apple in January. Supercute dresses, but I was put out to have to pay shipping fees for the privilege of trying on their dresses that didn't fit. Update your size charts, grrrr. They are the only thing I can use to tell if I'll fit your clothing.

The new place is Pinup Girl Clothing and I lurve some of their dress designs, but my bosom was too much for this one and the others were inches too small in the waist.

I really need to suck it up and start making my own. This is getting ridiculous. Yes, I know there are fat lady clothing places on the web, but I VASTLY prefer natural fabrics and none of them seem to make anything in non-polyester. Would it KILL them to make something in cotton? Sigh.

Oops

2010-02-27T15:31:00.001-08:00

I may have just picked up a new hobby.

This is the bracelet I made in beading class the other night. I only know that the big ones are quartz.

That didn't take long

2010-02-22T00:09:00.000-08:00

The pruning might not be all done, but these are. An addictive pattern on 64 stitches in a colorway and yarn that I like going quickly? Who knew?

These are the embossed leaves socks I started couple weeks ago. Ha, what took the longest was figuring out when to stop. I've had a Crisis of Sock lately, feeling as if most of my handknit socks are too loose or grow too loose with wear, both width and lengthwise. I'm trying to make these deliberately a little tight in the length.

I kept pretty close to the pattern, except:

1. I did 2 extra rows on the heel (deep heels),

2. picked up 1 extra stitch each side of the heel flap

3. decreased most of the gusset to pattern (decreases every other row), until the last 4 or so and then it was every 4 rows. I find this gives me a better fit.

4. decreased the first 2 purls in the pattern with a p2tog the row after I joined everything up with the heel flap. That way it matches the other side, which has a single purl stitch border. The star toe requires a very specific number of stitches, so I increased a stitch on the first row of the toe shaping where the purl used to be.

5. modified the toe: finished the last couple rows of the pattern without a knit row in between, and stopped at 14 stitches on each needle and kitchenered it closed. Star toes were really never meant to be grafted shut, so it looks a little wonky off the foot. On the foot my big toe stretches it out just fine. They do look a bit truncated, but eh.

6. I didn't break the yarn at the heel

7. when I got to the toe, I shifted the beginning of the round to the beginning of the pattern. I don't know why, probably I accidentally went too far and was too lazy to tink back. It makes the star toe work out nicely, though.

8. added extra repeat or 1/2 repeat or something to the foot to accommodate my size 11s.

The heel is odd - stockinette with a garter stitch border. It's a real PITA picking up stitches from the garter stitch, and I'm not sure how it'll wear, although usually my feet o' doom destroy sock toes first before the heel goes.

Semi-miraculously, I didn't run out of yarn.

Yes, they're lacy, but not screamingly so, and they fit beautifully. Yay!

This one's for my evil twin

2010-02-22T00:07:00.000-08:00

Flying bat-frogs!

Interesting is Overrated

2010-02-18T22:33:00.000-08:00

So tonight when I was chatting with the server when I picked up my takeout dinner (yeah, we got takeout. It was late and I was out of ideas), he said, he was about the same, nothing interesting happening. That's what I told him back. interesting == overrated.

I like my dull life. The last time things got interesting I hurt my back (twice!), got a new job, my cat got cancer, and both my grandparents died. NO thank you we don't want any interesting here.

Oh, here's one of the rounds of interesting from last summer:
Yeah, I even took a picture for y'all, good little blogger that I am, but decided not to post after all. I dredged it up for now, since I miss fresh strawberries (T-3.5 months and counting). It's posed and all, right after I'd gotten home after a CAT scan and blood draw (I have deep veins and the CAT scan people had already used the one accessible one in my elbow, so they used my hand). Why'd I get a CAT scan? I went to dinner on Saturday before, put my hand on the side of my neck, and found a lump. I had no idea how long it'd been there. It was still there 5 days later so I went to the doctor who looked worried and ordered the CAT and the blood scans.

It's all ok, there's a happy ending. None of the tests showed signs of anything weird. They just figure it was a deep-set cervical lymph node having too much of a good time. It subsided soon after and now I can no longer rock the Frankenstein lumpy-neck look (drat, there goes the Halloween costume)

Like I said, I like my dull life. I like messing around with dyeing, and quilting, and knitting, and riding my bike around. You know what I do when I go places? I like to walk around and look at things. I like to find good restaurants and cafes and enjoy the food and people-watch.

I look forward to sitting around in the summer on the patio with a margarita, staring at the flowers. People ask me what I do for fun and appear bored out of their gourds when I tell them about my little fiber obsessions (most present company excluded, of course). They perk up a little at the biking, as there's always the added excitement of CARS and possible excitement of MOUNTAINS, but since I can dislocate a knee just walking down some stairs (true! What can I say, I'm talented. Actually, that hasn't happened for a while), I kind of stay away from mountains. I seem to be one of those people while not outright clumsy, seem to easily injure themselves doing basic things. Since I like being able to walk distances, I'm ok with the no possibly-dangerous sports rule.

I suppose that Hawaii last year could be classified as good-interesting. I'll make a concession. Current interesting is that my place of employment seems to be slowly (and occasionally not so slowly) imploding, which is really annoying because I really enjoy the company of my coworkers. And also because I suck mightily at interviewing. bleh.

It's been really lovely weather lately - unseasonably warm and sunny, and it was a gorgeous day to bike in this morning. This evening I got home and the sky is so clear and starry and there's the perfect crescent moon just hanging there. The winter stars are so much more impressive, and Mars is almost straight overhead and very bright and red. I don't know any of the winter constellations except Orion. See, there's another dull thing, stargazing. I also put in peas today. MY EXCITING LIFE! Bite me.

P.S. it's back to blogger again for comments, as Haloscan is dying the death of the acquired company. I'll pick up another one once blogger comments piss me off enough again, probably Disqus or however they spell it (since they appear to be able to import the XML from Haloscan with a little hacking), but it cuts into my quilting time and lately I've been going for gold in the procrastination event.

Please know that unless blogger has changed recently, it DOES NOT GIVE ME YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS so I cannot respond to comments, except as another comment or if I already have your address. Not as if I'm not bad enough already about comment responding.

QAWM squares

2010-02-16T09:11:00.001-08:00

My first set of squares:
* brighter in person

I wanted to work all weekend on these (plus some knitting on the side) but I did something funky to my left wrist Friday night and it hurt to rotate. Knitting wasn't so bad but cutting & sewing were a little painful. I had a bike ride Sunday I didn't want to miss so I babied it all weekend and did almost nothing quilty 'til Sunday afternoon. grump.

My original idea of dark prints in the thin middle strip didn't really turn out when I started laying things side by side. I decided to use some medium-darkish purples that I hand-dyed. I'm pretty pleased with how it looks next to those bright borders.

I started throwing various prints next to the bright outside and purplish borders, after my first idea of light middle squares was looking meh. Did I also mention that I am also fond of black background funky prints? Yeah, got a few of those too (why yes, those are flaming chile peppers). I didn't fussy cut the black centers, I swear, but the love bug on the right side ended up smack dab in the middle.

Just seeing all those bright colors makes me happy. Also, I got to use some of my flying bat-frog print, woohoo!

Now I have to decide whether to cut the big blocks into 4 squares or leave them as is. If the latter, I definitely want some sashing, but not really sure what. I might take my 2 least favorite blocks, cut them up, and see what they look like. Got any opinions? Should I cut or leave them in their full 10.5" glory?

A list

2010-02-11T09:10:00.000-08:00

I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of this fibre dyeing thing.

The roving from tuesday turned out really well. The secret seems to be DON'T TOUCH 'TIL IT'S DRY WE REALLY MEAN IT.

I'll occasionally spell things British-ly, such as 'fibre'. 'Gray' always looks wrong so it's always been 'grey'. It's not an affectation but when I notice myself doing it (thanks, spellchecker) I worry that it'll be perceived as such and maybe I should consciously correct myself to Americanized spelling. And then I realize I've got better things to angst about.

Back almost a year ago I was working on these stripey socks. I finished one but was unhappy about the toe (I'm not used to doing short row heels and the foot fit was unfamiliar). I finally got around to ripping out the toe (for about the 4th time... which is why it took a long time to get around to it again) and redoing. Now I'm on the 2nd sock. They're cute but I forgot what a pain knitting this single is. Oh take me down to Splitty City where the yarn is smooth and the plies are pretty.

I just watched CSA: The Confederate States of America and enjoyed it immensely. It's a faux documentary of the US if the Confederacy had won the Civil War, complete with fake commercials/ It's very clever (the comparison show to "Cops" had me busting out laughing). The most interesting part for me is that I watched all this fake history and then wondered just how much of the history I'm familiar with was glossed over, prettied up, or just invented wholecloth. Sure, I know that logically, the answer is "a lot. Pretty much almost everything", but most of the time that doesn't really register, viscerally. Also I started examining what cultural items that I just take for granted -- are they innocuous or am I just making that assumption because that's the way it's always been?

Your candidate for office may be evil, but is he a DEVIL SHEEP??!? (disclaimer: I watched only the first 30 seconds of this, with no sound. It was still funny)

QAWM

2010-02-08T21:14:00.001-08:00

A quilter whose work I much admire recently decided to have a quilt-along during February, and I joined up with Quilt Along With Melody. I don't have much time except on weekends lately, but let's see how far I can get. I'm going to be using the basic block she started with in this post, and go from there. I've been kind of itching to play with fabric lately.

I wanted kind of a general theme but Oh my Bob do I have a lot of fabric. Where do I start? Hmm, I do have a fondness for bright colors. And when I say bright perhaps most people would say eye-searing. I don't use them much since no one but my rockin' brother and my 5-year-old nieces are big fans of rainbow-colored dinosaurs. I yanked out a bunch of ones I haven't had much of a chance to use - especially the multi-colors.
Sorry, crappy picture. Hi February in western Oregon! (Do you see the yellow one on the top row in the middle with all the dots of different sizes? I adore that one. I can't hardly bear to cut it up, it's full of such dotty fabulousness. And the orange one to its right with black rings and yellow inside of that. LOVE. K calls it the "eye print". I've got another half yard of it in turquoise, somewhere. I think there are a lot of Jan Mullen prints. I had quite the Jan Mullen crush for a while)

I think I'm going to start with the top row and keep to oranges and yellows and reds for the moment. I plan to play this pretty straight by value, and most of these brights are about medium values. Just to be contrary I don't want to showcase the brights as the center square. Instead I'll keep them as the outer border, do a dark inner border, and a light inner square. I don't know if it'll work but I'll mess around a bit and see. I'm also thinking about cutting on the diagonals if the squares aren't all that I'd hoped for.

And that's the problem usually, the thing in my head often looks nothing like what's popping out in the design wall (and not in a good way). Oh well. I still love my day-glo-pink with fluorescent orange hibiscus flowers print. And now maybe it'll get to see the light of day.

Roses are Red, Leaves are Green

2010-02-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

I love you with all of my spleen!

My current little obsession:
Embossed Leaves socks by Mona Schmidt, from the Interweave Favorite Socks book.

The yarn is my hand-dyed in, oh, I couldn't decide which name I liked better: Jungle Boogie, or I-said-I-wanted-green-dammit, or my current favorite, "Norman Rockwell Green" (from a Jean Shepherd story I just listened to). The base is Socks that Rock lightweight, a millend skein in natural. After my last project I really wanted to do some socks with my own hand dyed yarn. I adore this green. It's variegated enough to tell in the skein, but it doesn't obscure the pattern too much.

This is an addictive little pattern. It's really easy to just keep knitting away on it, and it's not hard to memorize once you get the rhythm of it.

I'm even knitting these pretty close to pattern (except shortening the toe a bit and not doing the first couple of rows as written, just went straight into the twisted rib). I'm using size 0s. I thought for sure I'd run out of yarn but it looks like I'll have just barely enough. I wish the leg were longer, though. Not enough yarn for an extra repeat.

I feel as if I should add a disclaimer that I don't require that nature-motifs be true to color; it just kind of worked out that way. Here's to Spring!

The weekend is over

2010-02-01T11:37:00.000-08:00

The in-laws left last Thurdsay. Both K and I are slammed at work right now so the weekend was work (only 1 day for me) but at least I got to stay home and not do anything unless I wanted to (except for work, and it was interesting). Sunday was nice and I fixed up my bike brakes and went for a ride. Today my butt is surprisingly non-sore. Too bad I went for a ride to the yarn store "just to look around" and they were having a 60% off clearance yarn sale. Uh-hunh yes I did come home with some.

The 'rents found 2 houses, both a bit more than they were "hoping" for, both ginormous mcMansions in some state of bank-ownership or foreclosure with big sweeping views and huge garages, and we'd be expected to go caretake. Which, you know, I don't mind so much as they did spend a lot of time & money on their son and it's nice to pay back a little, but what pisses me off is they didn't even bother to ask us if we would, just assumed.

I don't really want them living nearby at all. I guess it comes down to that. I don't want to interact with them and I don't want to listen to them more than rarely. I don't want to come up with safe small talk around them. I suppose that at least I wouldn't have to come up with Things To Do. (tip: if you want to visit me for more than 3 days: come up with your own itinerary. Invite me along, but don't be insulted if I need some time away from hanging out with you for days. Sitting around saying "whatever you want to do!" is not being accommodating, it's being annoying, and it makes me feel like a tour director. Unpaid. Also, what I want to do is knit. What do YOU want to do?)

Anyway, they're down in [warm southwestern state] now, scoping out houses in [urban hell where no one walks anywhere] and this is all predicated on whether their relatives are willing to go in with them on this and everyone agrees on the house and all that (part of the need for the size. Everyone needs their own master bedroom and then some)

All of this makes me feel particularly ugly inside; the selfishness is busting out at the seams.

Some July in January

2010-01-25T23:31:00.000-08:00

I was flipping through pictures last night.
red nicotiana, purple potato vine, white petunias

Did I ever mention about my window roses? They normally get pretty tall but these grew right up to the bedroom window last summer.

If I had any maiden tendencies I could've plucked one. Maybe sung a little, watched the birds alight on my fingertips.

I don't care for the fighting

2010-01-25T11:04:00.000-08:00

MIL will toss something off along the lines of "Oh, FIL is [non-complimentary attribute]; he always [action that's mildly stupid or negligent]"

Then FIL will look sullen and a little angry and sometimes he will say back that she does [negligent thing] too.

Then she'll get very defensive and say that he is "always throwing things back at her" and he will try to remind her she said this somewhat derogatory thing in the first place and she will keep acting wounded and angry that he would insult her.

Yeah, and back around again.

I've gotten very adroit at shifting topics of conversation. Although when FIL starts complaining about DUI laws I have to leave the room.

Also: the great American West, full of all that space and tumbleweeds and douglas fir and cows and mountains: not as cheap as you might have hoped, especially if you want:
a view
lots of square feet
neighbors not too close by
air conditioning
a 3-car garage
big backyard
big frontyard
and not too far out from the urban center

not to mention 2 of these.

Before and After

2010-01-24T14:20:00.000-08:00

My friend Michelle got a wheel this year. She is my partner in crime at the fiber festivals, and this year at Oregon Flock & Fiber she was heavily on the lookout for fiber to play with. I've been toying with trying out some fiber dyeing, but I'm not a spinner and so thus far resisted, despite the tactile pleasure of touching all that wool. Well, I resisted until we were wandering around and she asked if I could dye some of her favorite fiber into colors she was looking for (see Michelle, I blame this all on you).

Despite my care, I seem to felt the damn stuff regularly. It's gotten better as I try and isolate the variables that cause problems, but it's still not gone. It's all been kettle dyed up to now, but I'm going to try some direct application soon, since that seems perhaps less likely to felt. I just need to get the laundry room ship-shape so I can put down a drop-cloth. One thing that's nice about the kettle dyeing is it's really not much of a mess, at least compared to squirting dye around on a table.

Anyway, the before-and-after examples of the fiber I've been giving to her and what she produces are amazing. It's one of the reason I started, I'm fascinated with the way the colors combine. Long color runs are much easier to predict how they'll look once spun up, which makes me all the more obsessed with murky, spotty, mixed-up stuff. Fortunately Michelle is putting up with some of my weird color choices.

natural-brown BFL:

natural cream-brown mix BFL:

natural cream 20/80 silk-merino blend:

natural cream 20/80 silk-merino blend:

A view of part of the roving:

Isn't that last one interesting? None of the orange survived - it's all dusky blues and pale reds and pinks, except for the occasional flash of something. Here's a closeup:

There's actually been some knitting going on

2010-01-21T22:50:00.000-08:00

I know, SHOCKING, isn't it?

My nieces all live in snowier climes than I and I got a little plan to make them hat and mittens set (scarves would be nice, but this was October, and I was trying to be realistic). I wanted them to be warm, wool, superwash, and I was feeling in a cable-ey mood. Here's the first set, for the 3.5-year-old:

It's out of Louet light worsted in, I think, "Burgundy". This yarn's very nice to work with. Kind of expensive for a workhorse superwash (I admit, there was a sale), but I ripped out the top of the hat a few times, trying to figure out what to do, and it took the ripping like a champ. It feels very nice; it's got a good bounce to it and it's not superslick like some superwash wool. Let's show off the cables in all their relief-ey glory:

And can I just say that mittens for young children are just the fastest thing ever? It took way more time trying to figure out the design at the top than to just knit the thing.

Here's the set for the almost 2-year-old:

Also Louet light worsted, in a dark purple. The light's all off for that picture. This is probably the closest in color:

The hats are my own design -- the big one was something like 16-17" unstretched and 20-21" stretched. My only model was my coworker's (admittedly small) 8-year-old daughter, and the hat fit her perfectly, so I figured it'd work ok for my large-for-her-age niece.

The red mittens are based off the mitten pattern in Knitter's Handy Book of Patterns, for the stitch counts and when to branch off the thumb and what height to make it. The cable and the top closure are mine and differ from the pattern. The purple are almost identical, just minus a few stitches around the hand and thumb, and a little less vertical height. I used 1 skein and a little extra for the red set (I made my coworker's daughter another hat with the rest, since she'd really liked the hat and had been such a good model). The purple set was took than a skein.

I whipped out the red set right away, except I dinked around with the crown decreases for a month and then started running of time and ploughed through the purple mittens and hat. I got stuck again on the crown of the purple hat and sort of made something up I'm not entirely pleased with, but I was out of time and had to send the Christmas package.

A little funky:

Needles: US 4 bamboo DPNs for the ribbing at the bottom (both hats and mittens), and then US 5 Addis using magic loop for the rest. Oh, I think I went back to the DPNs for the thumbs; I find it a pain to magic loop on only a few stitches. Take into account that I wanted a thick but not inflexible fabric and I am a really loose knitter.

My brother reports they fit the girls well (he could be lying, but I tried to encourage him to send them back if they don't fit), so, success!

Cackling

2010-01-21T11:12:00.000-08:00

My employment is, professionally, to break things. To find the problems and errors in other people's work. This tends to foster a deep cynicism that can bleed over into non-professional life.

It's kind of like Terry Pratchett's description of witches who turn into cacklers (scroll down to the paragraph on 'cackling'). You start out looking for the cracks and dark places in everything, and well, of course you find them. They are everywhere, the way things are broken.

Part of the enjoyment of the job is getting that little thrill when you find an error. But it can get so all you want to do is find the problems, and not get any joy of actually seeing them fixed. The real goal IS to get things fixed, not to find the problems in the first place (which is just part of the process). This morning I noticed I was more disappointed at a fix than finding a further problem, which I figure is my job's equivalent of cackling. So I need to back off and reevaluate my headspace (see also: yesterday's post + Haiti + I have friends in both La Canada and Sierra Madre who aren't likely to evacuate by choice). I mean, I yelled at the man who DIDN'T PRESS THE BUTTON TO CROSS THE STREET, causing me to have to wait another cycle because mister was too high and mighty to press the pedestrian (in more ways than one) button. (look, the light doesn't change in that direction unless you press the button. PRESS THE DAMN BUTTON YOU IDIOT) January will be over soon. This is not that bad.

In-laws

2010-01-20T10:44:00.000-08:00

K the Love Monkey's parents are coming to visit today. They're retired now, and found cheap tickets. It's stressing me out.

I feel I need to qualify this with the statement that really, I got pretty lucky on the in-law front, as they are nice people and I have none of the horrible mean nasty in-law stories that many people have. They just have some habits that annoy me and at the moment I'd rather hide under the covers rather than interact much with my fellow man, except for certain specific fellow (wo)men and men

1. cleaning

I am an OK housekeeper. I might edge into competent occasionally, but most of the time the floors aren't pristine. I have hair. Quite a lot of it. So does the Love Monkey (well, not nearly so much), and we both shed; nevermind the cat. I don't always feel like washing the dishes every night, but they rarely last more than a day or two. I've been making special effort lately to put away what I take out, and the general clutter has kind of gone down, but things like the ballots to next week's election end up on the kitchen table.

Now the bathrooms are scrubbed, there's nothing (visibly) growing in the shower, the floors & chairs are vacuumed, stuff is put away, floors are swept. Gee, it doesn't sound like much but it sure seemed to take awhile.

2. Suggestions. Advice. You should.

My FIL loves to tell us all about what we ought to be doing and me, feeling petulant, will actively resist doing any of it, even if some of it I had intended to do anyway and it'd probably be a good idea. Think teenager mentality.

3. Divergent interests

I don't really watch a lot of tv. They don't read books.

I freqeuently feel personal responsibility for everyone's good time, and should someone seem to be bored there is this lurking guilt for their lack of enjoyment. I realize this is mostly, maybe entirely unreasonable but I've spent many long years developing a finely tuned ability to feel guilty at the mere drop of the pin. Unfortunately there aren't any celebrity endorsements available for accomplished guiltists.

Anyway, my give-a-damn-o-meter is particularly low this year, and so I did not clean as much as I might have in the past. There MIGHT BE DUST on the shelves (gasp!). All the bedding is clean, OK? I am not going to feel responsible for their good time.

They're looking for someplace to move to. They've previously professed a strong interest in a desert location with lots of lights, flash, and money being parted from its original owner, if you know what I mean. Not my scene, but it's not me that's retiring there. Recently they visited in December when the west had some unusually cold weather and decided that LV is too cold. Too. cold. I'll let that sink in a little. They're from the midwest.

Now they're looking here and I really don't get that at all because winter here doesn't qualify even remotely as warm, compared to the desert southwest. Finally I found out why -- they're now considering another desert location in the US, one known for its retirees, endless stripmalls, and 120 degree fires-of-hell summers. And -- they're thinking of getting 2 places, one here and one there. This is pissing me off.

1. because people with 2 houses unless one is some cabin shack kind of annoy me. Let's be fair, it's at least partly envy; but really, you need *2*? houses.

2. because FIL is adamant about living someplace where they WON'T TAX HIS PENSION. I'm sure this somehow involves a scheme to try to convince everyone that a Washington residence is his full-time residence to get out of the taxes, even though they wouldn't be here more than 3-4 months of the year. Glad you've got a pension to worry about.

3. because I figure we'll be expected to be the house caretakers the rest of the year

There's also a little current of resentment underlying this as FIL took some early retirement dealy years ago, and my parents, who are *10+ years older* just retired this year, because they didn't feel they could before now. Hi WWW, hope you enjoyed this therapy session!

I keep glancing out the window and wanting it to rain, a LOT. I want it to be overcast and grey and mid-winter depressing. I want to hide in a corner and knit a lot and only come out to dye some fiber.

Enh, whatever, it's only for a week. I need to chill. Work has been full of lots of detail work and (bad) drama lately and the Love Monkey has been working overtime and Saturdays for probably 3 months now and the forseeable future and I just do. not. want. to. deal. I will try to lay back and just let it flow over me, try to drop the guilt and resentment. Life is good, I'm still employed (quel miracle!) and so is the Love Monkey, and I've got a pile of yarn. Good stuff.

Kitty TV

2010-01-06T19:42:00.001-08:00

A couple weeks ago we put up a kitty TV in front of one of the windows where Frances likes to survey her domain. It's in regular use by a few chickadees, and I've seen a house finch, juncos, and some small sparrows too.

Guess who else has found it?
Probably the same grey squirrels that have dug up my pots and eaten my tulip bulbs. grrrrr

And last week the squirrels managed to knock it to the ground and GNAW IT APART in places, and we had to throw it away. I am seriously considering getting one of these.

Happy new year!

Snow!

2009-12-29T22:07:00.001-08:00

An unexpected snowstorm just dropped 2" on us. Woohoo! (I didn't have to drive in it, although it did take me an hour and half to get home on the train. I didn't really mind all that much, better than being stuck on the roads). It's all supposed to melt tonight, but for now, it's beautiful. Here's the Christmas tree in Pioneer Courthouse Square

I walked around the neighborhood once I got home and there were a couple sleds, one cross-country skier, a snowball fight, and a variety of snowmen. It's wet, soft, squishy snow that makes perfect snowballs.

Right now I am extremely annoyed at the love monkey who did one of those OMG-I've-been-on-vacation-so-much-to-do tricks today and decided to stay until 9:45 (almost 12 hours) despite the weather being pretty explicit on how the snow is turning first to ice then freezing rain and rain, which makes the roads extra fun. Work is really that important, huh? If he'd left 2 hours ago he wouldn't be out on jammed-up ice-slick freeways. That jerk better make it home in one piece.

ETA: he made it, although it took an hour (usually 15 minutes)

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-24T16:53:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!

I'm very grateful to be warm, safe, and with people I love. Hope your holidays are fun and relaxing.

This is probably in bad taste, but it makes me laugh every time I see it. Yep, actual store window, although I took the picture last December. Click for big.
(hint: Christmas tree is to the right of the tv. Nice to see that even the pawn shops are festive.)

Not Dead Yet

2009-12-21T23:22:00.000-08:00

oh ho ho no, still breathing. The bronchitis took about a week to cough itself out and then I thought I was picking up another cold from the Love Monkey but so far so good. I am very much looking forward to Christmas dinner where I will be cooking duck this year. DUCK, I say! Wish me luck.

I'm still about 3 weeks behind, kind of a perpetual thing at this point. So, as of late November:

Big Fluffy the enormo-cat has put on his winter coat:

Last of the Japanese maples are displaying outside of the downtown library:

and in recent news it has stopped being sunny and very cold and started in on the rain, much to Frances the cat's dismay

(she's the one with the green eye staring from the darkness)

Happy Solstice!

And this video about Octopi & coconuts was the coolest thing I saw all last week.

Hack hack cough cough (a whiny story)

2009-12-11T21:42:00.000-08:00

I had a proto-cold last weekend. I say proto- because as soon as I started getting symptoms Friday night I started in on the zinc Cold-Eez and I never really had anything worse than a bit of sore throat. No head fuzz, no drippy nose (ok, a little sinus. But just a little). And then Monday, the deep hacking started. The kind of hacking where little ugly yellow viscous lumps come up and I wonder just how I was able to breathe with those trapped in my tubes.

Dammit, I went through this same progression 3 months ago. Common Cold -> Bronchitis. But I was denial. I've had a cough for years because my lungs seem to think that the mold here is some deathly virus and produce a huge amount of mucus on a regular basis.

Anyway. I gave up on Thursday and schlepped to the doctor (STILL no symptoms besides a little bit stuffed up, yellow snot, and The Cough) and got a prescription cough suppressant, because The Cough morphs to the little-c death-cough which will not go away. (and what really pisses me off? None of those OTC cough suppressant drugs actually work at all. There's been scientific studies and everything. So why are they still selling them?)

She gave me benzonatate which I've never had before and unfortunately doesn't seem to work very well for me. I stayed up late, coughing. Woke up 4:30 am, coughing. Spent most of the day asleep from exhaustion, waking up for the occasional coughing bout. I freaked out K the Love Monkey a little bit; after several hours of coughing last I started weeping. He said I was just stressed out and I just needed to calm down and take some deep breaths. I told him I WAS NOT STRESSED OUT THAT DIDN'T HELP (not true about the stressing, but truly, taking deep breaths does not. help. at. all. At this point my throat is so shredded that I'm just coughing to itch the irritated bits which get more irritated and itchy and round and round and round.)

In the morning I called back the doc and asked for the codeine prescription instead (she'd actually said, "call me back if you prefer the codeine"). They called back about 2, said they'd phoned it in to the pharmacy (which I EXPLICITLY TOLD THEM WHICH ONE). I go to the pharmacy tonight, and they say there's some problem, it looks like it's been filled somewhere else. I don't know where else it would be and say so, and they try calling up the insurance and doing some kind of special override or something but it doesn't work because it's codeine and OMG ADDICTIVE DRUGGGZ. Yeah, nowhere does anyone seem to be writing down whether I have actually PICKED UP THE DAMN PRESCRIPTION. WHICH I HAVEN'T, because I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT'S BEING FILLED. (To be fair, the girl there was really very nice about it but she was powerless.)

And now it's Friday night and there's no hope of getting it before Monday unless I can find it myself. Possibly they called it to a place I fill downtown (different grocery store), but then why would this pharmacy even know what the prescription was for? It exists somewhere in their system, they must know about it. My suspicion is that I'll have to call up every damn pharmacy in this chain in the city looking for the one place that filled it. Fortunately the evil-death-cough seems to be giving me a break for this afternoon and evening. I am really looking forward to being able to sleep tonight.

Meanwhile they are predicting nasty weather for tomorrow so it looks like we'll probably not be going anywhere (4 inches of snow, not a problem, but the possible 1/2 inch of ice? Big problem). Hopefully I can still make it to Crafty Wonderlands Super Colossal Holiday Sale on Sunday (can take the train).

I bought 2 poinsettias tonight, at the dumb grocery store while I was "waiting" for my prescription. Was I just trying to make myself feel better? Well, sure, probably. But they're pretty and I don't care.

Winter sky at sunset, as I wait for the bus home from the doctor. It hasn't broken freezing all week long. Cold, clear, and very dry. The stars have been unbelievable.

Rainbow Brite

2009-12-06T18:46:00.001-08:00

Dyeing randomly is fun but sometimes I want a bit more idea of what I'm going to get on the other side.
Not quite the color wheel.

So I've been dyeing up mini-skeins of primaries, secondaries, shades, blah blah blah. Each skein is 2 g and about 10 yards. I use primaries + brown and black to mix up all the colors. I could buy the individual colors but it's a lot less expensive (and more fun for me) to just mix up my own. I finally got that periwinkle I've been trying for for months. Duh. I make exceptions for colors that are annoyingly hard to mix.

Here's a blue->red progression with at various strengths (not including the primaries). The red is stronger than the blue so they all tend more towards the reddish.

And some reds with black shading. Black is pretty much the definition of a-little-goes-a-long-way.
Also all these little bitty skeins appeal greatly to my tendencies to organization and completion. Must. Orthogonalize.

The mini-skeins are much cheaper to dye than dyeing bigger skeins, although I have to extrapolate upwards by weight. (And now I really would like a 0.5-ml graduated syringe, because 1/8 tsp is as small as I can reasonably go). I'm not being full-on accurate about it all, I just want an idea of the colors, otherwise I'd be measuring stuff out to the milligram. All the different colors are so much fun to mess with, and it's a bit of a surprise seeing how certain combinations turn out.

Well, December

2009-12-02T12:24:00.000-08:00

Gah, where'd the Fall go? I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I did a whole lot of nothing and enjoyed it immensely.

As a little pre-Christmas miracle, it is SUNNY this week. And cold. Well, not so cold, as cold goes (if I can wear jeans and not freeze, it's not cold. Also, the rosemary is blooming, and the camellias buds are getting really big). Every bit of sunshine in the winter here is like a little Vitamin D/mental health gift.

Today on the train I brought the gloves I'm working on and had stalled out on finishing because I need some gloves, toute de suite.

K the love monkey is getting grass envy. My little secret is I really don't care for grass in my yard. It's a huge pain to take care of, and it always looks like crap here, and it sucks down water and fertilizer and doesn't give anything back but something squishy to walk on and there are MUCH less demanding plants that will provide that for a lot less work. It looks pretty crappy now, with the moss taking a firm hold and K wants a new one and I am balking (more "not getting around to it" than outright refusal). Not least because for this entire year I have mowed the lawn EVERY SINGLE TIME IT NEEDS MOWING. Yes, I kept score. I'm petty like that. I resent taking care of plants I dislike.

What I really want to do is rip it all out and put in drought-tolerant perennials. But when my back punishes me for days after just raking up the damn leaves? Well. Our soil is for crap, clay-o-riffic, it really needs a bunch of amending for plants to do well. Also we have a big old dogwood that I like very much and I'm sure the roots go through the whole lawn and I don't want to kill it. Same with the back, but in that case it's a gorgeous huge blue spruce (a bit rare around here, it doesn't really get cold enough for them to do well) which sadly is slowly shading out the whole of the backyard.

That's the problem with winter, I start dreaming of plants. Gee, the next Hardy Plant Society of Oregon sale is only 4 months away.

Feeling Ranty

2009-12-01T16:35:00.000-08:00

New York Times article via Martinimade:

Health Care Savings Could Start in the Cafeteria

I'm very happy to see the final quotation of this article:

“I think weight loss is more than likely to be an outcome, but this isn’t really about that,” she says. “It’s about adding things to your life and feeling better psychologically and physically. It’s a hugely important message.”

Because, um, being healthy is the point? Not necessarily being thinner?

As someone who doesn't lose weight via dieting except with extreme measures (you do know that it's against the Geneva Convention to feed someone less than 1200 calories a day because they've classified it as torture, right?), I'm really awfully tired of people telling me how unhealthy I am. Let's please get this straight: I do not eat a dozen donuts for breakfast (actually, I don't even eat one, but that's because I don't care for sweet at breakfast). I'm not snarfing 6 big macs at lunch. I do not follow dinner with a whole chocolate cake.

How can I make this abundantly clear? I am not fat because I overeat. I am not fat because I don't exercise. I am fat because I am fat. That's how my body rolls (ha ha, she said rolls). Just because you are thin DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY MAKE YOU HEALTHY.

And darlin', let me tell you about my uncle, who despite his trim waistline and healthy meals and all that exercise... got diabetes anyway. Genetics is a drag, isn't it.

This makes me laugh

2009-11-19T20:31:00.000-08:00

...every time I walk by it. This is the holiday events signboard at Pioneer Courthouse Square, kind of a block-wide plaza in the middle of downtown.

Don't see it? Let me zoom in for you. Bottom right. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

How much do I love my boss? She decided we had to celebrate National Bundt Cake day. There were *5* bundt cakes. I didn't know about it or I would have brought one too.

I've been dyeing

2009-11-11T20:29:00.001-08:00

a little.

Sleepytime

Labyrinth

BFL pin roving

Precious Metals

Teal is the New Black

Ripe Limes

I've been trying to move outside of my color comfort zones. I've been having a great time just messing around. The problem is, what am I going to do with all this yarn, now? (and the names? totally so much fun coming up with them)

Christmas

2009-11-09T16:19:00.001-08:00

Oh yes, I said it. Yes I did.

I have a strong desire to just get all the makework of Christmas done early this year. I like the idea of contacting people and I like my friends and family but honestly, cards are a pain in the derriere. I love giving presents but I dislike being pushed to figure something out and find it at the last minute. I am annoyed by long lines at the post office. I avoid putting together packages (I don't really understand why, it just seems to take me forever.)

I feel like this every year but it seems particularly strong this time. I love Christmas. I like laid-back holidays; we never had high-expectation holidays when I was a kid and I continue to refuse to stress out about something that's supposed to make me happy, at least on the day of. This year I'd just like to extend that for most of the month, since I enjoy the ambiance so much (5 billion repeats of "All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth" is NOT AMBIANCE, it's NOISE). I don't enjoy shopping in crowds at all, and if I do it in November, then I won't have to in December. But all the decorations? Even some of the cheesy old carols? The smell of pine? Pretty lights? LOVE.

We're probably not traveling this year - for the first time in 9 years. The Love Monkey's work thought it'd be a good idea to have some January deadline (yeah, that always works SO WELL), so he can't really take off extra time. I made him absolutely promise not to work Christmas, though, not even unofficially. I'm secretly happy I do not have to battle airlines and weather and cope with buses and luggage and travel, although we'll miss being with family.

Anyway. Christmas. Maybe I was a crow in previous life, since I have such an affinity for shiny, pretty, and glittery, especially in December. Everything else seems so dark and cold during this time of year, and winter holidays seem to cut right through that.

-------------------

I bought a suit this weekend. There was an extremely lucky happy accident for me at a consignment shop on Saturday. I have never owned a suit in my life; my "pretend I look professional" clothes are sad and don't really communicate that message very well. I wonder if this is another checkbox on the "adult" list I can check off.

We pause for station identification

2009-11-05T19:30:00.000-08:00

Ha ha, get it, PAWS!!???!!

Because crappy puns are about all I can manage today. Not sick, just meh. It's okay, this happens ever late autumn/winter.

Frances believes I should look more into hibernation.

Stupid Monday

2009-10-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah rain rain blah blah blah blah blah blah blah rain rain rain rain

Pretending I am an artiste

2009-10-25T10:10:00.001-07:00

Which is really easy to do when you've got subjects as beautiful as the ones in the Japanese Gardens in Fall.

The 'rents loved it, and the farmer's market was great too (Sadly the chile man was GONE! I guess that was his last weekend 2 weeks ago.) It was a lovely Saturday.

Rainy Friday

2009-10-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

I'm rocking the drowned rat look today. I biked to work in the rain, and it wasn't just drizzle today. Not super heavy, but heavy enough. It was FABULOUS! I had the streets mostly to myself (besides the cars), and it wasn't really that cold; I wore knee-high wool socks under my pants and they keep me pretty warm even when wet.

I had on a rain jacket, no problems there, but my shoes are soaking wet. Ah well. I brought extra socks and I keep a pair of sandals stashed under my desk at work. I'm wearing my red Hawaiian shirt today (made in Hawaii!) in honor of the weather.

See, I really really needed to move around today, quickly. And for a bonus, when you're sweating, the rain isn't really all that noticeable (except when it was whipping into my face. bleh. Need to get clear goggles or something).

I love my parents and enjoy having them around, but I'm also used to my own ways of doing things and it's stressful to me to upset my routine. Doesn't that just make me sound fusty? But it's true, and it's easier to cope with if I acknowledge it. I've also gots lots of fun psychological baggage and that always comes screaming to the fore when family is around. Oh, nothing horrible, just regular stuff.

Mom & I are spending evenings knitting on the couch; it's pretty awesome. She and Grandma taught me to knit in the first place, and now I'm showing her how to do sock heels. (She decided to make Christmas socks for everyone this year (sock gifting is our obscure family tradition) and she chose 4 different patterns with 3 different heels and hasn't ever done socks before. Although the beauty of doing an ENORMOUS sock on worsted weight yarn is that you can see everything you're doing really well.)

She picked up heel flaps just like that (ha, ha, 'picked up'). I haven't ever done afterthought heels but the directions were enough that we worked through them together, and tonight it's a short row heel. Meanwhile I am working on mittens for the nieces. Whoosh, they go fast (and I am a slow, slow knitter).

Tomorrow we'll hit the downtown farmer's market, and maybe the Japanese Garden, and perhaps some Fabric Depot goodness or just lounge about and play a couple games. I'm really grateful they were able to retire this year, because they're getting up there and I thought they ought to have some time to enjoy themselves. They seem to be having a pretty good time with it.

Can't talk, parents here

2009-10-20T12:11:00.000-07:00

* spent a good chunk of the weekend cleaning. Necessary but not fun
* this visit they are now telling me what they prefer to eat. Win!
* why did I make my dentist checkup for 8 am? WHY?

October Saturday at the Farmer's Market

2009-10-10T11:08:00.000-07:00

(warning: picture heavy)
I had to drop off the Love Monkey for an early thingy at PSU, and stopped at the downtown farmer's market. I got there before they even opened. It's a perfect, beautiful fall day today, crisp and clear (and cold in the morning).
Zinnias!

I think I'd like a Fuji. No, a Honeycrisp! But what about those Galas?
I bought 2 Winter Bananas for making a crisp tonight. Or maybe apple cake. I am having trouble deciding.

Lot of independent cheese makers, especially this time of year as the produce winds down. This guy makes some fantastic French cheese with names I've never heard of.

The Chile Man Roasteth. I am SO HAPPY this guy is here. Otherwise I have to wait until I visit my parents in New Mexico to get my green chile fix. He's got the goods too: Sandia, Española, and Barker Hot, among all the usual poblanos and jalapenos. Oh, we are definitely having some this weekend. YUM

Pimientos de Padron & chestnuts. Yeah, I got some. It was completely impulsive, as I have NO IDEA how to cook chestnuts. None. Fortunately I admitted my ignorance to the seller and she gave me a run down on how to roast them.

Artichoke bloom

Navel-gazing for fun and profitlessness

2009-10-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

I know, I promised dyeing, but I didn't feel well enough to don a face mask and mix up solutions on Saturday (coughing & dust mask do not mix well), and Sunday I got carried away mixing up stock solutions and um, didn't get to the dyeing part until late?

I was reading through Fillyjonk's ideas for a new sweater (set aside the momentary fact that I have yet to complete an adult sweater, ok?) and something clicked in my head that I've been mulling over for years. Maybe I can articulate it now. It's kind of a theory of acquisition. Let's use clothing as an example. I'm drawn to certain patterns, colors, drapes - that I probably wouldn't ever wear. Willet is an example. I agree with Fillyjonk, it is very cute and sweet. But then I've learned to examine my thoughts and come to the conclusion that I'd be trying to purchase being the kind of person who would wear that. It would look all wrong on me.

I suppose you could say it didn't fit my personal style or blah blah whatever but do I even HAVE a personal style? Lately, I pretty much wear whatever I can get my hands on that fits me well, which is pretty scarce these days. I do a lot of nicer t-shirts. I'm not sure I really want to be doing a lot of nicer t-shirts but I suppose it's comfortable if nothing else.

But if I bought/made this thing, would I change to be someone who would wear it?

All of this is entangled in weight issues too, since I would look MUCH different in many of the clothes I see than the model in the picture does, and also there is the back of my mind trying to purchase her SHAPE and not just her clothes blah blah blah. But things that they tell me are designed to look good on big people so often just repel me. I have never learned to love the wrap sweater, and frankly, I've seen very few pictures of people I think look good in one.

So. I very rarely buy pattern booklets or magazines or books of patterns because usually 97% of most patterns 1) don't look like something I would wear, or 2) would look like crap on big ol' me (this isn't hyperbole. 3 out of every 100 commercial patterns is about my appeal rate)

Meh, I forget the point here. Something about transforming into the person who'd wear those clothes. Right now I'm only transforming into MC Phlegm (rockin' the bronchial tubes, yo yo!)

Bah, sick

2009-10-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

I've had a cold since Tuesday, early morning. I know exactly who I got it from too, I am looking at YOU, hacking, coughing, sneezing lady sitting directly behind me at the book signing at Knit/Purl on Monday night. So as a public request, I ask you please: people, if you are sick, STAY HOME, unless you really have to go out. The cold's now moved down to my lungs and it's so much fun coughing until my head and chest hurt. The Love Monkey picked it up today and I am force-feeding him zinc because hoo boy was I out of it for a couple days, just sleeping and staring at walls. I finally started getting a sense of smell back yesterday (and, by extension, was able to taste more than sweet/sour/salty/bitter).

I checked out a book of short stories by Connie Willis from the library a couple weeks ago and am very grateful I did - they're just about my attention span at this point and I find I enjoy her writing. This is only the second thing I've read from her. The Winds of Marble Arch and Other Stories. It's a pretty thick hardback from the library, but it's larger text so I'm already 3/4 done. Then again, there has been the few days of afore-mentioned wall-staring.

Last week I ripped through The Gone-Away World, by Nick Harkaway. It was a bit rough getting used to the cadence of his writing (maybe because he's British?), but after 50 pages I wanted to find out what happened and after 100 I was fairly well hooked. And then it proceeded to break my heart. The main theme resonated a bit too close to my own opinions on the subject. Plus, you know, it has ninjas. And secret weapons, mimes, and true love gone astray. I sound like the beginning of the Princess Bride.

Tomorrow: adventures in dyeing roving. A.k.a. what not to felt.

Greetings from Oregon

2009-09-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

I found this fine, fine specimen of a terrestrial pulmonate gastropod mollusk on the wall near the hose yesterday. (It looks big in the picture but it was only 5" or so long.)

I am irritated at everyone and everything tonight, except then I read the Wikipedia page on banana slugs and it's full of awesome. Pneumostome? Estivate? Detrivore? Why didn't I go into biology and study slugs?

Oh, and those Green Zebra tomatoes?
Yeah, not so much Green Zebras.

I don't tweet

2009-09-22T09:57:00.000-07:00

Because I'm too lazy to set it up.

But life seems to be best summed up in one-liners lately. Or maybe I'm just lazy again.

Topic one: allergies
My sinuses are making a determined effort to kill me.

Cetirizine works but makes me tired all the time (sleep for 10 hours a night). I suspect that it also has the odd side effect of raising my blood pressure.

Loratadine works, but only at full strength, for a few hours.

At least there's benedryl, for when I can't sleep.

Really tired of sneezing. The BACK OF MY THROAT ITCHES

Topic two: dyeing
Really grooving on this lately. Especially the overdyeing.

Overdyeing also extends the fun, seeing as a) I don't have a yarn sale business, so b) I have way, way too much yarn.

Kraemer Jeannie has a really, really fast strike time. wow. Should have used that for my turquoise-brown mix, instead of the nylon/wool.

Topic three: knitting
Knittingly frustrated. I keep swatching for designs, can't ever get things right.

I really ought to pick up K's sweater, rip it out, and start over.

Topic four: weather
It's 90 degrees here today. Summer++!

Topic four: climate, meteorology, and popular belief
The Autumnal equinox is not the "first day of fall".

For no good reason, it bugs the hell out of me when people say this.

Don't believe me? The summer solstice, until relatively recently, was known as MIDSUMMER. MID. summer. That's because as the day with the longest amount of sunlight at the most direct angle, by all rights it should be the hottest day of the year (except it's not, because the earth takes a while to warm up and so lags behind a bit)

Which ought to be the smack dab middle of the season, not the beginning.

Really? end of December the "beginning" of winter? Where I live winter pretty much sets in by the end of November.

Grumpy old coot.

Remember that domesticity thing?

2009-09-09T23:40:00.001-07:00

Kurt helped me can 7 pints of peaches tonight. I am now tiredly listening to the seals pop close. It's really entertaining. Did I mention I was tired?

(I know, 7 pints, not so many. If I was going to all that work, I should have made a bunch more, right? Except I can barely get through that many in one winter. I do pint jars because it takes me a couple weeks to go through one and that's about as long as they last. Also I only bought one box because I am insane and thought I would need more for the cobbler and fresh eating but no, I got through about 5 of 15 GINORMOUS peaches. If I really lose my mind this weekend maybe I'll buy a box of the Hales)

In other news, this is Harley:
Harley is the neighbor's new cat and he is very friendly and also dumb as rocks. He also likes to hang out in our yard. A lot. Frances is not okay with this development. Harley still hasn't picked up on that yet, as he still comes and hangs around until Frances the 3 legged wonder cat chases him out.

Full disclosure:
Well, I didn't get to the curtains. I need to dye the fabric yet because the piece I was thinking about is, I think, just not quite long enough.

Postcards from the garden

2009-09-01T23:49:00.000-07:00

I'm really a haphazard gardener. I don't put in enough time or effort to make it look really nice. I use to think I was a plant killer until someone gave me a pothos as a house-warming present and The Plant That Would Not Die is still alive and has a few dozen clones around (the beauty of pothoses (pothii?) are that you are supposed to ignore them. I water mine maybe once a week. It hates more than that, despite that if you cut off a branch and leave it in water it'll grow roots. Go figure). Then I found that peas and mint are pretty much a given, as long as you water them, and the rest, well, if it survives, great. If not, I'm usually not heartbroken.

Anyway. Really I need to get a nice picture of the black and blue sage because it's a knockout, grows and blooms all summer, and a perennial to boot (oh, and dang, they drew HUMMINGBIRDS the other day!). But work is killing off what little brain I have right now and so I'm going to cheat and use pictures from the last few months.

These tomatoes are breaking my heart. They are Green Zebras and I have a whole plant full of heavy huge juicy... unripe tomatoes. They've been unripe for about a month now and I don't hold out much hope for them, now that it's September. They get less and less sun every day. sigh, teach me to plant tomatoes somewhere that doesn't get a full 8 hours of direct sun every day. I could use the excuse it's been a bad tomato year here; despite the heat wave in July it really wasn't that warm a summer. But I'd be eating green zebras now if I had put them in a better place. Maybe.

Baby heartbreaker tomato

Pink tiger flowers. These come up in the backyard every year, no thanks to me. They were here when I got here. Very pretty, though.

New daylily plants I bought bare-root in May (April?) I'm pleased they actually bloomed this year. And because I like red.

Frances says: surely you could find some tuna about your person?

I cook better than Chili's

2009-08-31T13:35:00.000-07:00

And that's all I have to say today.

August Sky

2009-08-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

It's been an unusual August; way more rain than usual, and not big thunderstorm rain, either. Sadly it kind of feels like Fall. I like Fall but I like to get in my full Summer experience.

The skies have been so gorgeous lately. It's all purple and raining lightly right now but I can never capture the color on camera. The western sky, all different shades of violet. Maybe I can dye something like that.

These are from a couple weeks ago

I am so domestic it's painful

2009-08-27T10:02:00.001-07:00

Last weekend: Cleaned the carpets (by myself! with one of those rented cleaners!)

This weekend's plan: Curtains.

More pictures from Sock Summit

2009-08-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

Sock snakes at the Skacel booth! My favorite is the zauberball orange-pink-purple one.

Zardra's Rivendells in the sock museum.

I try to get some of Jenifleur's coolness to rub off on me. I'm wearing my handmade CAKE! shirt. I should get the Love Monkey to take a front & back picture.

Camille and Imbrium! (waving frantically to Imbrium) Hi Imbrium! It was so cool to actually meet with you. Thanks for hanging with me.

Fickleknitter and her hat of awesomeness. Truly, I feel less irradiated already (she let me try it on)

This is what is technically known as a metric craptonne of yarn. (hey, and fiber, too)

I like this one because they both look like they're having such a great time. That's Jen & assistant, with the colorways inspired & created by assistant.

And (mumble mumble) you can see me doing my best eeeevil expression at Camille at the Handknit Heros booth. Yeah, I need to work on the evilness.

Mesmerizing Title Goes Here

2009-08-12T14:34:00.000-07:00

I haven't even taken the pictures off the camera yet, I was so tired after this weekend. Not only because of the complete yarn fume overload of the market, meeting a bunch of new people; I helped out a chunk of Friday, and most of Saturday and Sunday. I'm also having trouble writing after I found out Saturday that a friend of mine received some terrible news. I just keeps popping up in my head.

But these two things made me smile this week.

Jenny Owen Young's cover of "Hot In Here" by Nelly (SFW), which I saw first over at Shapely Prose

and "8 Miles Wide", by Storm Large

Bits of the video NSFW, and lyrics definitely NSFW

Total Sensory Overload

2009-08-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

Gotta make this quick, since I am already late this morning.

All of these completely fail to show you the scope of this place. It's like 30 yarn stores all specializing in hand-dyed yarn (+ others. The booth across from Rabbitworks is all silk) have set up their favorite stock.

Met a lot of people that I don't have time to link to now. Also need more sleep. I fondled enough yarn for 30 people, and I still didn't see it all.

A conversation about greed

2009-08-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

To set the scene: I've been biking to work every day this week. It's been lovely, especially since the temps have plummeted this week and it's perfect and cool in the mornings.

K the love monkey: So are you biking on Friday?

me: No, I'm stopping off at the Sock Summit on the way to work and I thought it'd be more of a bother than just taking the train.

K: Oh, not enough room in the bike bag for yarn? You could take the other one too.

me: I don't really plan on filling two big bags full of yarn

K: So you'd need three then?