Meowing to the Oldies

The cat is really grumpy this morning. She keeps coming in and complaining loudly, then walking out again. What do you want, cat? And then I start substituting meows for words in songs. Honk honk, meow meow! Talking 'bout the bad cats, sad cats!

And now I've got Gor-gon-zola stuck in my head, to the tune of Lola.

Been a rough February. Work's fine, although not very challenging, and I work with someone who hasn't yet discovered that ctrl-S means save, the same way that File > Save does. When I'm getting very nasty & vindictive inside my own head, I start counting the seconds it takes him to move up to the file menu and choose "save". I save about every 7 seconds, and that's not hyperbole. I guess I had it ingrained into me from a young age among more crash-prone computers. I finish a line of text, I hit ctrl-s.

Darkness, rain. The winter usual. I could really really use a week somewhere warm and sunny and away from ctrl-s's.

I have a whole pile of finished knits from months and months ago that I want to put into my Ravelry projects list, and they all need pictures. I don't know where to photograph them. I need to ask the Love Monkey to take pictures of me but me and my zits are feeling particularly un-photogenic right now. Couple weekends ago there was some sunlight & I tried the porch swing.

Ugh. Well, at least it shows the entire shawlette.

The pattern is Textural Healing (Ravelry link) and it was entertaining once I got a gauge I liked - loose, but not too loose. The picot binding caused me a lot of trouble, though: I kept miscounting. I had to safety pin up the entire thing to get it straight.

The close-ups turned out better.

The yarn is, well, the yarn is my own. Big Alice Dyes Foxtrot (50/50 fingering weight silk/superwash merino) in colorway Well Red. It's nearly a solid, but not quite, and that definitely worked the best with this pattern. I started off with something more variegated and wasn't happy with it at all. The silk is really nice at showing off the texture.

I took the shawlette on a field trip to the Chinese Garden. (I know, those Portlanders and all their gardens. This is a nice one, although tiny (1 city block). It's kind of amazing just what they crammed into 1 block.)
'I think red brings out the blush in my cheeks. Both sets of them.'

Hey, at least he doesn't have zits.

Another shiny new January

Happy New Year! I have this problem, see, the beginning of the calendar never much felt like a new year. It's really the start of September that feels like the beginning of the year. It'll likely take another 20 years to wear off. And maybe bad dreams about school will stop by then too.

We had a very quiet Christmas; my mother was visiting and the Love Monkey & I didn't travel anywhere, which was WONDERFUL. I like visiting people but airports at Christmas are not my favorite. It's bad enough with just car traffic; I saw probably about 3 near misses in December. After the first one of those, I drove slowly and cautiously and got there eventually and without drama. yay.

I also had a cold for Christmas, and a new one for New Year's. HO HO HO! Jolly! We did get a tree this year. Usually we don't, since we're always away. I feel a special kind of environmental guilt getting a real Christmas tree; it feels like getting expensive cut flowers except it takes years longer to grow and moves out other, more useful crops. But I very much enjoy the fragrance and presence of a real tree, and at least it was a local one. The grower's probably getting 10x the amount for this tree than if he were to raise, oh, cabbage. Frances the cat fortunately has never been a climber, although she seems to prefer the tree water to her own. Yes, I just went and cleaned out her dish. Maybe she savors the piquant flavor of pine.

Did I mention I got a new job? I got a new job, in November. I am no longer an official slacker, although it severely cuts into my dyeing and sleeping-in time. I got lucky -- there was a space opening up where a lot of my friends are working, and it looked interesting and they were interested in me. Lucky, especially with things how they are right now. Lucky, so I gave a birthday present (what, don't I get to give presents on my birthday?) to Sisters of the Road, who does a good program of feeding people who need it in a way that keeps their dignity.

It is past the solstice now, and maybe in another month the sun will be up past 4:30 in the afternoon. Just have to make it through black February (the one-two punch of darkness & Valentine's day is not my favorite). I am already daydreaming about long summer afternoons and bright mornings. And peas. Hopefully this year will be a good one for peas. And raspberries. Damn, I better stop right now.

The cat surveys her twinkley-lit domain

A Little Christmas Present

HO HO HO
I haven't been around much online lately, and I really don't feel very Christmasy this year (for example, I just sent grumpy mail to a service I (monetarily) subscribe to which likes to spam me. There is no setting on their website for "please stop sending me emails." Bah humbug. Except I am feeling guilty now. MERRY CHRISTMAS!)

But in order to redeem a small amount of my karma, and because it might be useful, especially at the moment, I offer you:

How to make a pretty good pie crust

I am not a food blogger, nor a professional baker. I've just made a few of these. This is what works for me.

This is not a how-to (see #1 - get a good recipe). I guess it's "tips". It's things they don't always mention.

I'll preface this by saying I make crusts from shortening & butter. Shortening for flakiness, butter for taste. I haven't ever had a lard crust but that seems like a cruel trick to play on the vegetarians so I'll stick with shortening/butter. If I knew how to make an all-butter crust that didn't have a crappy texture, I'd do that, just for the taste, and because not a year seems to go by without some new study about how hydrogenated fats are the spawn of Satan and will KILL US ALL. They probably will, but not because of a once-a-year pie crust. OK, maybe 2 times a year? Surely less than 10.

When I say shortening, I mean Crisco. Not the butter-flavored kind, the blue-wrapper kind. I've been messing around with the palm oil shortening you can get at some stores, but haven't had enough results to say yea or nay. If you try it, let me know.

I do not use olive oil or vegetable oil. The point of the hydrogenated fat is that it is solid at room temperature and has a higher melting point than butter. This gives you the flaky part of flaky tasty crust.

1. Find a good recipe

I use an old Cook's Illustrated recipe (yes, I'm a fanboy. I like that someone tried 50 different combinations of all kinds of fats with different ratios to flour to find what they liked best. Saves me work). But I'm sure there's lots of good recipes out there.

Make sure it has a high enough fat/flour ratio. The one I use is a 3:2 butter/shortening ratio with about a 1:1.25 ratio to the flour. That's going to be a lot of fat (maybe too much, I might need to experiment myself a little). Just don't let anyone in the kitchen to see. You don't let them see you make fudge, do you? (lordy, another crazy amount of butter. but so good). Not enough fat and you'll get a crispy cracker crust.

I use only flour, salt, sugar, butter, shortening, and water. That's all. I am not on the vodka bandwagon, but you might want to try it and see if it work for you. Vinegar just tastes weird. An egg white just was kind of unnecessary.

2. Better living through technology: Use a food processor

I know, special tools. But the food processor can do in 10 seconds something that takes me minutes. The key here is that you want everything to stay cold. I've started wondering if it'd be better if I refrigerate the flour. I am not kidding. The faster you can get it chopped in, the better. Also, the processor is much better at cutting things up than I am and doesn't leave chunky bits.

If you don't have or can't beg, borrow, or borrow one, I recommend using a pasty cutter. I mean like the one at the top of Smitten Kitchen's post, and not one of those flimsy wire things. You need something you can GRIP and that can CUT. Also, hell is full of people trying to cut cold hard butter into flour with 2 forks (while the flames melt the butter of course). Betcha didn't know that about hell.

3. Mix early, mix often

This is the one I just figured out, on my own. I've never seen it mentioned anywhere, but it works for me and it's absolutely necessary for me unless you want to go the vodka route.

When you are sprinkling on that ice water, 1 tablespoon at a time? Add a tablespoon, then MIX IT IN. Repeat until the dough just comes together (shaggy but it should hold together in a ball. Should NOT feel wet).

I just use my fingers. I never got the hang of using a rubber spatula for this (although it would be better, as my hands are warm)

I started off just as turning the watered-up flour/fat bits over so I wouldn't just dump water in the same place, but then I found that I magically could use LESS water than the recipe called for. Key thing: don't overwork it. Just kind of fold it in, maybe mush a little with your fingers. More mushing is required the more you add, to try to get it together.

All I can guess is it seems to distribute the water a lot better than sprinkling all the water in at once.

Oh, and don't be tempted to do this in the food processor. That magical food processor action will mix it up too much. This is one case where gentler is better.

4. Let 'er rest, part 1

After you get that ball, wrap it up in plastic and smoosh it down with your fist into a thick flat disc, about an inch thick. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes (I really prefer an hour).

This step is crucial because you are letting the water seep its way through the whole dough. It will come out more pliable and less dry than when you put it in, although it's kind of subtle.

You are also letting the dough get nice and cold again. Remember that bit about keeping it cold? The goal is to not melt the butter. It's also easier to roll out if it's cold. If you take it out and find it is too mushy, try putting it in the refrigerator longer.

Oh, this is also that point at which I will throw the crust in the fridge and then finish it the next day. Those discs will keep for a few days. If you'll be longer than that, wrap it in another layer of plastic wrap, then one of aluminum foil, then write the date on it and what it is and throw it in the freezer. Should be good for about 6 months. Hoorah!

(P.S. If it's been in the fridge for more than 2 hours, it does need to get a little warm again before you can roll it out. Leave it out on the counter & check it every 30 min or so)

(P.P.S Frozen crusts need to warm up in the fridge for ~1/2 day, then room temp for 30 minutes (maybe more) to make them pliable. Just chuck it in the fridge if you suspect a pie in your near future)

5. Let 'er rest, part 2

After you've rolled out the dough, and put it in the plate, or tin, or whatever, cover it back up with plastic wrap and refrigerate for another half hour. If you are really in a hurry, the freezer works too, for about 10-15 minutes. It should be cold again. Mmm, butter.

I KNOW. Pie crusts: not fast. But this step is also crucial. If you do not do this, you end up with a sad shrunken pie crust if you pre-bake or par-bake. Ask me how I know! And since this is partly a blueberry/apple/pumpkin/wonderful goodness delivery mechanism, you surely want to have as much room as possible in the crust.

6. Bake it with a pan

This is an extra. It's not really about the crust. But save yourself a headache and possible fire alarm triggering and put it on a sheet pan. I use those commercial aluminum jelly roll pans which are the bomb for making cookies, but a regular cookie sheet is also fine. Or a roasting pan. SOMETHING. If it drips, it will drip in the pan (which it ALWAYS does. So I am not a pretty crust maker. Not enough patience. It will, however, taste good). No need to scrape the oven or turn on the fan because of the rolling smoke.

7. Practice

This one isn't popular, but there's kind of a finesse to this and the more you do it the better you get. You get to recognize the signs and feel of the thing. I don't know. But that doesn't mean the first one you do won't be good. If you feel uncomfortable working fast, just shove everything in the fridge while you figure out the next step. My personal belief is if you can keep that butter cold until you put it in the oven, and you don't add too much water, you can't go that far wrong.

Hope this helps someone. I just felt the need to share #3, as it's worked beautifully for me. I could never figure out how to add such a little amount of water as all these recipes say. It never held together with only 4 tablespoons or whatever. And then I started to mix it in as I went and MAGIC. I'm still trying to adjust to it, I keep making crusts that are too wet and sticky. wack.

Hey look, I've totally rambled for a huge amount of text!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Solstice, or Happy Holiday whatever you choose to celebrate or not celebrate. May all your crusts be tasty ones. If you're able to, hug someone you care about; they might not be there to hug tomorrow.

Maybe I'll rent SIX horror movies

Oh Hyperbole and a Half, how much do I love you?

And for today's cute

The European Rabbit Hopping Championships

Time, she gets away

I'm not sure how it became November. Let alone a week into November. I miss the summer. I seem to be speaking in a lot of sentence fragments lately so please forgive me in advance.

Been reading a lot lately. As always the disclaimer is: what I like it not necessarily what you will like and that is OK. Please don't take it personally.

The Magicians by Lev Grossman. AV Club highly recommended. Audio version (look, I do a lot of dyeing and skeining these days)
I got way way too involved in this book, partly because it is very close to home in some aspects. I so enjoyed this, but it's also sad and sometimes angsty and I find the main character to be kind of a jerk. That's all probably part of why it was a fantastic book. Went really fast. I've got The Magician King on hold at the library now.

Magician: Apprentice by Raymond Feist. Recommendation from an NPR fantasy/sci fi list.
Sensing a theme? Enh. Just didn't do anything for me. OK plot, forgettable characters, too many fantasy cliches. I probably would have enjoyed this book immensely in 5th grade.

Old Man's War by John Scalzi. Hello NPR list. Maybe I'm just trying to be a completionist.
I ripped through this in 3 days. Excellent story, very compelling. Not superwonderfulfantastic literature but a page turner. Went out and bought the sequel because I needed something for the train back. The second one wasn't quite as good but still enjoyable.

The Forever War by Joe Haldeman. NPR list again. Audio.
Bailed on this one about 4-5 chapters in. I just wasn't interested. I listened to one other Joe Haldeman book in the past and I've just decided we don't mesh.

Shards of Honor by Lois McMaster Bujold. That NPR list from above, although my friend Janet went through a Bujold binge last year and loves them. Audio
I'm in the middle of this. Pretty good story, plus it's nice to see a strong female protagonist (The Magicians had one too, although it's more complicated than that).

The Disappearing Spoon by Sam Kean, another AV Club recommendation
Hey look ma, nonfiction! I love interesting science books like this and I started off a chemistry major, so it's a slam dunk. Not finished with it yet, but I like this one a lot. I had no idea Mendeleev was so... eccentric (didn't believe in atoms, not withstanding that he developed the periodic table. Explain THAT one.)

Cozy

A stop-motion camera and a whole lot of yarn. K sent me a link to this neat commercial, via Metafilter. It's got wool. And a cat.

There's also a making-of video.

Happy October! Time for
strawberries?

It's been a very odd harvest year. To be fair, that picture was taken a week and a half ago, and last week's farmer's market was the last one for berries this year. It is now firmly in apple, pear, and squash season, with a big sideline on all kinds of greens. They love this weather - rainy and cool. I'm going to have to start mowing the grass again. bah.

So, how're you doing? I fell down the stairs this week. It's okay, it was just half of the stairs, and I landed about as well as could be expected, mostly on soft parts. The butt bruise is quite spectacular and no I'm not showing it to you. The ones on my shoulder blade and forearms aren't nearly as entertaining. It seems to be matching all my dyeing lately - everything is coming out shades of purple. I blame the cruddy weather.

Otherwise, K got that stupid aerator off and cleared out in less than 10 minutes. The tool of choice appears to be the vice grips (although he scratched it up even more - the masking tape/electrical tape/rag trick doesn't work at all, it just makes the rag spin around).