Fragile

I don't know what's up lately but it feels like just one touch will break me into a million dull-edged pieces. I am keeping up with the gym, mostly, and then in the shower my head is full of angry rants. Where are those endorphins when you need them?

I like December, usually. What with Christmas and birthday and new years it's kind of a big ol' party for the whole month. I really like the holiday pageantry (ain't that a $10 word) because I don't get a whole lot of pageantry in daily life and I like to see things shake up a bit. And more red everywhere, and shiny lights. But I can hardly drag myself along this year, it's a all a bunch of thhbbbt, too much bother.

I can't seem to keep a straight and coherent thought in my head. No, I haven't finished buying Christmas gifts. I'm embarrassed at how much gimme gimme want want I feel this year. I feel guilty that I only managed to make a couple pair of mittens for the Oklahoma project.
It's mid-December and nothing is done. Mostly I'm just tired and fat and full of doubt about everything. I'm starting to resemble J. Alfred.

Ain't even got no pretty pictures. I wish it would snow. I wish I could hibernate for 3 months. I wish I could magically come up with the perfect gift for my mother-in-law (or heck, make it my father-in-law.) The parents ask for my xmess list, but what do I really want?
1. to feel like more than a lump
2. to have 40 pounds magically disappear from my body. Although not all from one location, please. Or you can gift me with a faster metabolism. I'm not picky.
3. a pair of pants that actually fits - you know, in both the waist and hips and thighs. It's probably too much to ask for them to look good, too. It's been years since anything flattered me. I got so mad last time I ordered some pants I sent back a whole diatribe inscribed on the L.L.Bean return form.
4. world peace. This should be #1. There's a bunch of other world problems you could also fix while you're at it.
5. 3 extra hours a day. Some might favor the "extra day each week" but I find spreading out the time allows for greater laziness.

oh damn, I just need to get out of my head. I'm all focused on me me me.

Isn't this the most awesome picture ever? My niece on a sugar high:

Other niece's xmess pic:

There's another one on the way. Is this not the most freaky clear ultrasound you have every seen? I am a little freaked at the little bones.


Oh yes, in a few months we'll be a triple niece household.