I'm finally going to do it. I made an appointment for a haircut, on Saturday.
It's a place that'll do the donation to Locks of Love; if I'm going to cut off a foot & a half, someone might as well get some use out of it.
I really shouldn't be so apprehensive about such a transitory thing. It's just... I've had long hair forever, and that really isn't an exaggeration, as I have never cut it. Oh, I trim it now and then so it's not so straggly, but the only major cut I ever got was for bangs when I was 11 or so. And that wasn't really all that major.
For someone who doesn't give much of a care about how she looks, I seem to be startlingly vain about my hair. I was trying to explain why to the Love Monkey. For one, it's the only source of random complements I really ever get. Damn, it's pretty shallow that I care about that but it's nice, okay? -- almost especially because it's various strangers on the street. I don't get many compliments. I'm not ever winning any beauty contests and never have.
Another part of it is more personal, in that it immediately identifies me as FEMALE to anyone (from behind. From in front, there's no doubt at all, which I guess an be a mixed blessing). I've had a lot of trouble finding my own space for feeling female, as I don't really fit into any of the archetype woman categories. I don't always get along with other women very well, and I don't know why; maybe I don't think in quite the same way. It bleeds into all those feelings of inadequacy and poor self-image and all that crap. So frequently at the base of my fear is a declaration that dammit, at least I HAVE GOOD HAIR.
Aaaand yet another Terry Pratchett reference enters my life, via Agnes Nitt, who was: 'Tired of being seen as just another overweight girl with "a nice personality and good hair" '.
And so, it's really past time for some kind of change. I'm just steeling myself so I don't do something ridiculous like burst into tears. I have no idea even what kind of haircut to ask for. I will throw myself upon their mercy and hope for the best and not too much hairspray, as it gives me a headache. Meanwhile I am rocking the Little House On the Prairie look for as long as I'm able.