Apologia

I'm sorry I haven't been around. I meant to be but then I never seem to find the right mood to sit down and write anything coherent. Also, I'm doing that hide-from-my-email thing, and it's really piling up, and it feels unfair to post and not actually answer mail. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm sorry.

I'm having trouble keeping up with everyday life. Tonight I feel like Bitchy McBitchersons. I'll try not to let it bleed into here. You all don't deserve that.

Look! Cute kitty!



It's become a regular feature, like the Friday night movie. Tuesday: Big Alice shows classic depressive symptoms YET AGAIN. Will she manage to pay the credit card bill this month? Film at 11. I am SO not entertaining enough to be a Lifetime movie. Crossing things off the to-do list gives me no relief, it's just guilt I didn't do it sooner and the rest just looms up ahead like an ominous, nearly crashing wave. I concentrate on the small things, stuff that gives me a guaranteed happy boost, even if for a few moments. It's hell to pay later (such as when I have the unfortunate acknowledgment of Just. How. Fat. I. Am), but it's all about the little tradeoffs right now. Yes I'm exercising. If I'm not exercising, my back gives me hell to pay. It is a very nice way to empty out the crap thoughts in my head, if only for an hour, and I'm very grateful for that. I need to make friends with the drugs again but I really don't much care to go to my doc (although it'd probably be easy to get Dr. Pillman to give me whatever prescription I ask for). See, the side effects are not all that fun. Again, little tradeoffs. I'm hoping that the increase in sunshine will be self-medicating enough. Only 30 days 'til the solstice!

Pretty flowers! Morning glories! (Am I distracting from the words enough yet?)


I've been doing a lot of dyeing (NOTE the 'e' in that word, ahem) lately because color makes me happy. Only I have this little, uh, saturation problem. As in, I have too much of it. I don't seem to be able to manage a pastel. Oh well. The red especially pleases me. I tried to take pictures but they didn't come out so well. The camera is not so good at capturing these colors. I'll try again in another light.

I also started a new sock, just because. It's with some Trekking XXL, all purple and gold and a little bit of green and blue thrown in for fun, and I am just a tad bit OBSESSED with this sock. Maybe it's because I don't have to actually plan it or anything, I'm just following a pattern (kind of. I tweaked it a little) and enjoying the colors. I think it's because I'm heavily into the control over the thing. sigh.

Look, a mountain!
Mt Hood, looking pretty and pointy on a camping trip from a few years ago.

I'll come back to reality soon, I have to prune the roses. It's early Spring now, the weather's changed for good, and oh lordy did I enjoy this last weekend, mild & full o' sunshine. I would've enjoyed it more if I'd actually been able to take off Monday as a holiday like the rest of my coworkers, but work is doing the too-much-to-do-not-enough-time thing lately for me. And no, I didn't even get it all done. But I did skein up my pretty, pretty red yarn. Gonna have to make more of that, it's so nice.

The cat says, I can stare down any of you.