Dark of Winter

I haven't posted in awhile; I haven't really had anything to say (and because I'm lazy). On November 1st Nature flipped a switch and it's suddenly Winter here. Days and days of grey raininess. There are some trees still with leaves but most of them are gone. Today, luckily, it is NOT RAINING and I am so grateful for not having to suit up in the full hazmat rain gear: pants, jacket with hood, all of it waterproof vinyl with taped seams (hooray for technology). I look like a dork and my legs go swish when I move, but at least I don't have wet pants all day. I walk about 3/4 mile each way to get to work.

And it's dark, all the time. ARGGH. I've been sleeping 10 hours a night, and I don't know why. It's been difficult getting up in the morning and so my gym routine has suffered. I do not need any more excuse to let the Winter Hibernation Fat take over.

Work has been a weeks-long nightmare of trying to figure out a solution to what appears to be an intractable problem. It's always a great sign when your software produces an error log containing "Windows Fault" and dumps the contents of the registers. NOT. (This would be equivalent to a Blue Screen o' Death in Windows 95/98, but XP is a little nicer about protecting its innards).

I finally admitted defeat to my shredding jeans the other day and gritted my teeth and Went Shopping. I DETEST clothes shopping. Hate hate hate hate. Normally that little voice in the back of the head, the one going "Nah nah, hey fatty! You're disgusting!" is mostly ignorable, but when I have to try things on, it shouts louder than the musak. Everything makes me look lumpy bumpy squishy FAT.

To pants manufacturers, all I can say, have you ever heard of the concept of a WAIST? Hello, if I wanted straight hip-to-waist pants, I'd buy men's. At least THOSE are labeled by waist size and length. For women, I guess you think we prefer spending hours trying things on because 14, 16, 18 are all meaningless sizes because they're ALL DIFFERENT ACTUAL SIZES FOR DIFFERENT MANUFACTURERS. And, hello, this waist thing? I kind of like having my pants FIT ME instead of sagging at the waist and being unbearably tight at the hips. And I'm not even trying on your "hiphugger" or "lowrise" versions. These are the "classic natural" version. Whatever that means. Would it really be SO HARD to just label pants by waist, hip, and length sizes for women? Really? Any clothier started doing that and I'd probably start shopping there exclusively. (Yeah yeah, or else I could get all my clothing tailored.)

Tops? Forget it. See, I have (biggish) breasts, so nothing fits. I poke out in all sorts of uncomfortable places. I don't wish all my clothing to proclaim "HI, I HAVE BOOBS!"

Clothes shopping is a long exercise in embarassment, frustration, time and money-wasting. I once had a shopgirl at a mall suggest I start going to the gym. Screw you too (as I have previously mentioned, I GO TO THE GYM. REGULARLY. PLUS WALKING A MILE AND HALF A DAY. Would you like fries with that coke, Ms. Super-Metabolism?)

I'm not even going into shoes (hi, I have big feet!). There's a reason I now shop almost entirely at Zappo's.

I just want some clothes that cover and fit and don't make me look like marshmallow peeps crammed into jeans. But I know that really the only thing that'll make me look and feel good is about 40 pounds less fat. And that's a lot of mornings waking in the dark and cold so that I can go spend an hour running in place.

Blah blah blah I see it's Channel-Your-Inner-Bitch-onto-your-blog day for me.