Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Beware Alien Queen Tarantulas!

This weekend was great, it consisted of pretty much just lounging about and doing whatever the hell I felt like doing for 3 days. Bliss. Damn, I even did some housework. The kitchen floor was getting nasty so I hauled out Mr. Broom and his illicit lover Mrs. Mop and went to it.

Sunday night we grilled salmon and zucchini and drank a bottle of merlot (or, um, more) and watched Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam, also know as Turkish Star Wars. This was just awesome. I highly recommend that if you choose to view this movie, do so when drunk. You know, not pass-out drunk, but drunk enough that if something doesn't make sense, it's hysterically funny. Because, nothing is funnier than seeing evil Alien queen kiss one of our heroes then TURN INTO A TARANTULA! AHHHHH!

You can read about a billion reviews of this and just how low-budget and rip-off it is. Really, it's just surreal. Or maybe the subtitle translator guy didn't quite have the grasp of English (or Turkish) that we might have hoped for (ours did have subtitles.)

It starts off with lots of cuts of space ships and the death star blowup sequence from Star Wars and guys looking nervous and yelling and this goes on about 10 minutes more than the 1 minute it should have (another reason you should be drunken and not caring too much about what's going on). Then suddenly Our Heroes are down on some desert planet where I guess Earth People have escaped to. Cue the Raiders of the Lost Ark adventure music. They help them hide in their caves from Evil Alien Dudes. Among Outcast Earth People there is Our Love Interest, who seems only to be able to clutch her little brother and smile. Good thing Outcast Earth Technology still includes lipstick and eyeshadow.

My favorite part was "The Workout", where Our Heroes are becoming lean, mean, alien ass-kicking machines by karate-chopping boulders and running around with rocks strapped to their legs. Awesome. Then there was some alien raid and they were captured and a bunch of dudes got turned into zombies as the aliens removed all their blood and then Alien Queen appeared and tarantula-ified and then I fell asleep. A little too much red wine. But really, this movie bleeds right into a dream state, so it doesn't really matter.

Well lookey here, you can download and view clips for yourself. However, I recommend you get the whole drunken full movie experience. (Although you're going to need an online source or a seriously weird video store to find this puppy. We used to live near the incomparable Scarecrow Video in Seattle, which I guarantee would have something like this. Fortunately we now live near another well-stocked, locally-owned video store with bizarre taste, named Movie Madness. (They're pretty awesome - how can you dislike a video store with an entire category of movies labeled "Yahweh is Angry".))

I did finish up the back of the test slip-stitch sweater on Sunday. It seems... long. Also, I'm trying to decide whether I should put in a button band or not, so it'll go over some little kid's head easier. Is a 28" chest width 2-year-old size? 4-year-old? Button band necessary or not? I'm gonna make the neck opening wider than the pattern, I think by an inch. I hate the uncertainty.

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