Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Prospero Año Neuvo!

Hey, I'm back.

Hap-happy new year everyone!

And thanks for all the comments on the previous post.

I'm not going to apologize for the rant, but I will apologize for the self-indulgence (normally I'm such a happy, if loquatious, drunk). But what's life without a few psychological hangups, eh?

And really, I do like pink. I've yet to meet a color I didn't like. Oh, I've got the usual hues I gravitate to EVERY TIME (mmm, scarlet), but, for example, I'll start knitting something in a gorgeous, delicate pink and suddenly I swoon. It's immediately the Best Color In The Universe and what have I been thinking, not noticing it for this long? I have my little color flings.

Maybe it's all the playing with patchwork for the quilting - there's no colors I don't like. Just color combinations. So pink? Beautiful. I just have some problems with some of the societal connotations.

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We've been travelling all over the place and it's been trains, planes, and automobiles and The Party Never Ends (WOO WOO) what with Xmess and my birthday and New Year's. And while I'm kind of relieved to be back home again, I sort of miss all the excitement. I've been trying to figure out why I so enjoyed the holidays, and besides not having to work, I think the primary reasons are:

a) I got to be around a lot of people
b) I wasn't constantly worrying

Not much I can do about not having to work all the time. However:
A is my own fault. I don't really, um, get out much. Like, not at all. This is something I can do something about. Time to try another stitch 'n' bitch group . The first didn't go so well but I need to be tougher-skinned about this all. The right group's out there but it ain't happening while I sit all mopey at home.

Now B. Worry worry worry, it's like a pastime of mine. As if I'm constantly honing my mad worrying skillz.

It's time to stop living my life in regret. No more worrying about things I cannot change. Make an action, carry something out, decide or decide not to, but DECIDE. I'm tired of second-guessing everything and trying to be perfect the first time. Time to shoot that inner perfectionist and learn from mistakes, not be consumed by them. Regrets should only serve as constructive criticism so that I DON'T DO THAT STUPID THING AGAIN.

And in the spirit of all that wonderful holiday human interaction, I thought I'd actually join a couple 'alongs. I don't normally, seeing as how if I don't participate, I won't disappoint anyone. But these are all self-affecting, and nobody's gonna feel too sad if I don't quite make it all through the stash-along.

Hello, the stash? Out of control. Literally. It embarasses me everytime I see bits of it. I have PLENTY of FANTASTIC yarn and there is no excuse, none, why I shoudn't be using it. I have a wee bit of the obsessive-compulsive in me and definitely Collector tendencies. And it's one of my slowly-working-towards Life Goals to be more of a Doer and less a Collector. Let's take the weight off and fucking knit something for once.

And speaking of taking the weight off.
I never make any time-dependent weight goals, because they inevitably depress instead of inspire me. HOWEVER, I am joining Rachael's 100 miles by April 1st because I need all the inspiration I can get when it comes to getting to the gym in the dark cold mornings of the winters.

I will be elliptical-trainer-ing and walking my way to 100 miles, due to the crappy knees and my wish to still be using the original equipment when I'm 40. I would really like to feel more comfortable in my body and my clothes. This is one place where regrets are perhaps helpful.

10 comments:

zoe said...

Hey BA

COngratulations! BTW, I did not consider it a rant (precious post), rather, it reminded me of too many painful times, hit a little too close to home...now approaching 56, it does not come up on a daily basis for me, but I am reminded of the issue(s) surrounded by teenage girls. Painful.

A happy and emotionally prosperous year to you!

kmkat said...

A couple phrases that have helped me in the past in dealing with trying-to-decide and with latent perfectionism, both of which impede progress: 1, it ain't brain surgery, just do it. and B, sometimes good enough is good enough. Best of luck! (and I enjoyed the so-called rant; I took it as more of a *speaking frankly*) (oh, and congrats on your JenLa award!)

Rachel Life said...

So when I come to visit my sister-in-crime-fiberphile in a week or two, shall we three get together for a spontanous stitch-and-bitch? Pami and I feel the same way you do about the socialization of the genders. She and I are both, like you, carving out our own existance in an unapologetic, if sometimes lonely, way. We should drink to it!

michelle said...

I'll be interested to see if you find a new knitting group. I attended several groups in DC, but since moving to Portland, I haven't ventured out. I'm lucky that there's a group that meets sometimes at work. I'd like to get out more though. I guess the first step in the hardest.

Jenn said...

Ranting is good for you. Everyone should do it! :)

Good luck finding a SnB group to hang with. I periodically think I should go out and find a group since I don't know anyone crafty at all and being a solo knitter can get lonely, but I have trouble paying attention to all the chatter going on that I end up sitting there and not knitting. And never mind the fact that I find alot of people annoying... I should probably work on that but sometimes people just drive me crazy and irritate the crap out of me. I'm not a bitch, I swear! :)

La said...

I'm doing the stash along, and I'm sorely tempted to join the 100 mile club. If so, I'll be walking it. But MAN, is it hard to get me off my knitting ass to go out and walk. And La don't do run

Zardra said...

Thanks so much for linking to the 100 miles blog. The timing is perfect, so I just joined up. :)

BigAlice said...

Thanks, Kmkat, those are some excellent mantras. I take myself way too seriously. Perfect is the enemy of DONE.

Rachel: heh, sure, I'm on. Let me know: bigalice (at) gmail (daht) com. There's a cute little knitcafe that serves beer & wine as well as great coffee & tea, but Pami probably already knows about Mabel's. Mmm, beer. Sigh, it's Friday evening, isn't it?

BigAlice said...

Heh Jenn, SURE you're not a bitch. Let's see that driver's license.

I think that is partially my problem; I don't cope well with some types of people and I'm way, WAY too passive-aggressive. So I just don't go back and they're happy and I'm happy and uh, knitting alone. The last group I tried was into the I'm-cooler-than-thou and I REALLY am not into that.

Hey, Zardra, I'm so glad you're joining 100-miles thing. Come on La, you know you want to. PEOPLE ARE POWER. POWER TO THE PEOPLE. Seriously, I get a big charge knowing other people are participating, it's all kinds of inspiring. I have the craptastic knees so this will be entirely a walking/biking/elliptical-trainering 100 miles.

LHWB Knits said...

"Not to decide is to decide." As related by D, actually 2nd hand from his mom , no doubt, as he is one of those rare birds who listened to his mom (and I mean actually listened) for all their years together.
Also, I am thinking that #1 might be a huge help on the list from Monday's (1/8/07) post.
I am going back to "dream journaling," it seems to be the only way I can make anything really happen in my life. Guess I just found the subject for my next post...